There are two ideas that seem to be most prevalent when it comes to understanding the value of the single life. The first one is that it is a privileged and self-chosen lifestyle to achieve absolute freedom, independence and empowerment. The second one is that it is a misfortune for those who have failed to find their vocation.

As a single Catholic, however, who believes that my singleness is a vocation, I stand on another ground.

First of all, I think that some people can be specifically called in their single life to accomplish something unique and wonderful for God.

Not everyone can be married or become a priest or a nun. Some people have been called to serve God and dedicate their lives to Him in another way. We are not all called to marriage or the religious life, but we are all called to be holy. That is the path of every baptized Christian.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states: “Love is the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being” (CCC 1604).

Regarding the privileges of the single life, I must agree to some but I cannot consent to all ideas of the single life from our secular world.

Let me first mention some of the gifts that come along with the single life.

Single people may indeed have more time and thereby more freedom to do other things that their married friends may have less time doing. Even St. Paul acknowledged this in the Bible, emphasizing how single people have more time to devote to the things of God.

“I should like you to be free of anxieties. An unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord.” - 1 Corinthians 7:32 (NABRE)

But I don’t feel comfortable whenever the single life is discussed as a path to merely escape one’s responsibilities in life. It should not be a road to live life less, but to live it more fully!

It’s wonderful to have the time to study more, pursue your interests and improve yourself so that you can bless others more with your gifts. But one shouldn’t choose the single life for the sole purpose of gratifying oneself.

I remember a time when I needed a friend and everyone just seemed so busy. It was then that I thought about how wonderful it would have been if there were more people who could be available when you need them. I guess that’s what the single life can give.

Availability. The opportunity to be there when others can’t.

While God doesn’t forbid us to love ourselves and seek those things that make us happy, He also knows that in the end, what could make us truly happy is the thought that we have loved and we have filled our lives with love.

“For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” - Matthew 16:25, NABRE

Single life, as the vocation I see it to be, is also not something that makes us immune to the troubles and loneliness of life.

Even if I believed that this was the life God had called me to, there were times when I still felt lonely. It is a natural human need to yearn for the company of someone who cares for you.

But this is where the distinction between the single vocation and the single secular life becomes more pronounced.

Here, we must understand that being single (according to God’s plan and purposes) is not about self-sufficiency but about total dependence on God.

(“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” - Philippians 4:13, NRSVCE)

God still allows me to feel lonely from time to time so that I may remember to cling more to Him.

While the single secular life may intend to uplift singleness and show its many benefits, we should not stop there. There is a spiritual dimension that can allow us to find a deeper meaning to our being single.

Could God be calling you into a life of deeper devotion and service?

Prayer is the key to listening and beginning our journey towards understanding God’s great plan for our lives.

“For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart...” - Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NRSVCE)

Subscribe now

Subscribe to “Single Catholic Writer” and receive these free e-books:

When single people ask why the single life isn’t considered as a vocation by the Church, they are often met with indifference or insensitivity. Some reply with downright disrespect, looking down on these people who are merely seeking direction or confirmation in their lives.

It’s as though a simple definition or an enumeration of previously held concepts could be enough to satiate the inquiries of those who doubt their own decisions or even their relationship with God.

Here are just some of the reasons often given to singles why they couldn’t possibly have a vocation in their current state of life:

• a vocation demands permanence

• those who have a vocation should make a total dedication of themselves

• no one is called to be alone

• tragedies in life happen (you could miss out on your vocation!)

• you need formal consecration in order to have a vocation

• being permanently single is a cross, not a vocation

• a vocation should bear fruit

• declaring the single state as a vocation implies self-sufficiency

What people don’t understand is the sense of confusion and uncertainty that many single people go through due to this “lack of vocation” on their part.

I know many single people who are living very holy and fruitful lives, lives that are totally selfless and dedicated to serving God and neighbor. These single people have tried their very best to do what is right. They take God’s word seriously and pray about their life decisions.

Despite all these, however, they remained single until their old age. Upon reaching this age of maturity where it isn’t even possible to have children or to enter religious life, they are met with this idea that they simply missed their call.

Can you imagine how these people feel?

It is no wonder that many singles in their later years have recurring doubts about whether they should have married or entered a religious community by then.

The truth, however, is that they could already be fulfilling their mission in life.

They could be serving the poor or providing for their families. They could even be leading Church organizations and giving all of their time for the sake of God and their fellowmen.

Is it not even possible then that they have been called to this way of life? Should they be formally consecrated just to know that they are following God’s call?

How can all of these people who vouch against the possibility of the single vocation be so certain? Is this a declared dogma of the Church? Couldn’t there be a development in doctrine that would one day recognize this unique call?

I feel glad whenever a laywoman who was neither a nun or a married person becomes a saint like St. Gemma Galgani. It gives me hope for all single people out there that we can find our purpose and live holy lives in the state of life where we are. Recently, one of Padre Pio’s friend Luigina Sinapi, a laywoman had just been declared as venerable, making her one step closer to sainthood.

Though she tried to enter a religious life, health concerns prompted her to leave and from then on lived a simple yet holy life as a single woman. She found regular jobs at the post office and Central Statistical Office. All the while, she had a an intense prayer life and even had visions of the Lord Jesus. Many priests came to her for prayer and even material support.

Disqualifying the single life from a possible vocation is to not recognize the sacred calling of every baptized person who is already called to live a life of holiness and love.

“Therefore in the Church, everyone whether belonging to the hierarchy, or being cared for by it, is called to holiness…” — Lumen Gentium V

Why do we immediately label the single life as a selfish life? And why do we have this idea that single people could never be fruitful?

If Jesus Himself told us that in the life after this one, no one is going to marry or to be given in marriage, wouldn’t we all be single then? Couldn’t the single life point us to this state of being single in the presence of God?

The calling to the single life isn’t a call to be alone, but to be free to devote oneself to God and His works.

Here is St. Paul’s advice to virgins and widows:

“Now in regard to virgins I have no commandment from the Lord, but I give my opinion as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. So this is what I think best because of the present distress: that it is a good thing for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek a separation. Are you free of a wife? Then do not look for a wife. If you marry, however, you do not sin, nor does an unmarried woman sin if she marries; but such people will experience affliction in their earthly life, and I would like to spare you that.” - 1 Corinthians 7:25-28 (NABRE)

St. Paul never mentioned anything about discerning whether one has or has no vocation to marriage. He did not even ask that a person vow or promise to permanently stay single. He never required any formal commitment to devote oneself to the Lord.

His advice was filled with both practicality and wisdom. He simply urged the virgins and the widows to remain as they are. He even said that just in case one marries, one doesn’t sin because of that. There is no promise of permanence here but a preference to remain single and free for God.

To any single people out there who feels like an outcast or who constantly feels the need to search for another path in life thinking one has failed to heed God’s call, remember that God knows you and loves you. He is constantly leading you. There is no need to fear.

You don’t have to be married or to enter a religious order just to enter heaven. Your baptism already qualifies you to be God’s beloved child.

Continue drawing near to Him and grow in His love each day. Let that love overflow into everyone you meet.

God is Love. May His redeeming and healing love bring you joy and peace.

Subscribe now

Subscribe now

What is a vocation?

To some, it is a state of life. To others, it is a mission we must accomplish here on earth. But if we ever consider a vocation as God’s calling, I think that we can define it simply as a call to love.

Perhaps this is one reason why many can’t accept the single life as a vocation. Because how can it be a call to love?

We can easily understand marriage in this sense because it is a call to love another person and to form a family, to bear children out of that love. We can also understand the religious life as a vocation because it is a call to love God and neighbor in such a way as to make a permanent vow of celibacy so that one can best fulfill that call.

But how about the single life? How could it ever be considered a call to love?

I must admit that I have failed to see this before. When I was younger, I only considered two paths. One is marriage, and the other one is the religious life. It was only later on that I began to realize how God can call us in diverse and unique paths.

My calling came in stages.

And it was revealed to me along with my mission to spread the Good News through writing.

When I look back, however, I realized that this desire had always been there in my heart. And no, it was not the desire to be single for life. But it was the desire to love and serve God in a unique way.

I remember how this desire became more clear as I learned about Mother Teresa’s mission for the poorest of the poor. When I was young, she was considered to be a living saint! If you asked anyone about what holiness is like, one can certainly point to her life and they would know.

I wanted to serve the poor also, but in a different way.

Instead of serving only those who are poor financially or physically, I wanted to serve those who are poor in love.

Mother Teresa herself recognized this and expressed it in many ways:

“Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.”

“The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy; it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more dying for a little love. The poverty in the West is a different kind of poverty -- it is not only a poverty of loneliness but also of spirituality. There's a hunger for love, as there is a hunger for God.”

In my heart, I wanted to be a part of those who could satiate this hunger. And although I also yearned for a family, this desire in my heart goes beyond even that.

Now some people may ask why I didn’t just join a religious order for that. Out of so many religious communities, there must be one that could respond similarly to this call.

I did search somehow. Yet I did not find any during that time that could lead me to the fulfillment of the same desire I had.

The single life was the life that I found where I could be most free to respond to this call.

It may not be as grand as starting a new order or joining the likes of the Dominicans or the Paulines. But it is a simple life that can fulfill this unique call to love.

In my article “When God Called Me To Be a Writer”, I described more about what this calling looked like.

I also shared the Bible verse that served as my inspiration for each task:

“Comfort, give comfort to my people, says your God.” – Isaiah 40, NAB

The world is filled with lost, empty and lonely souls. And although the world is filled with so much noise and amusement, none could ever comfort the heart that thirsts for the love of God.

And so I wrote for those who were poor in love. To those who were in despair and looking for a little light of hope.

My first blog was also dedicated for those who wanted someone to listen and pray for them. I accepted emails and responded the best I could to extend God’s comfort to all who may need it.

It is not that I have always been capable of the task. But it is the call that also refines me and equips me to accomplish His will.

The single life for me paved the way to answer this unique call to comfort those who suffer from the poverty of loneliness and being unloved.

Other people may have their own paths to responding to God’s call to love. It may not look exactly in the same way that we may have envisioned them, but I would like to believe that there are as many unique and beautiful calls as there are countless ways to love.

Subscribe now

Learn more about my journey in discovering God’s call and learning about His love.

Become a paid subscriber and download this ebook for free:

So many people have asked why I’m still single that I couldn’t count how many times I’ve been asked that. I must admit, however, that my answers have not been that consistent.

Sometimes, I would say that I still haven’t found “the one”. At other times, I would simply smile and avoid the question.

I know that many have asked simply out of curiosity. Some may have asked out of concern. But one thing is certain, it is not a very easy question to answer. And I feel that most singles can also agree with me on that.

How can I put every life event, decision and circumstance into a simple answer that people would understand? It would be very hard to explain all the factors that contributed to my being single. Sometimes I also doubt whether I could be certain why I never fell in love to the point of getting married and starting a family.

But I would try to put some of the answers here. I hope that some people can have an idea why some people still remain single instead of starting a family like most people do.

Here are some of the reasons why I may have stayed single for so long:

1. I was too busy to think about having a boyfriend

I wasn’t the type to prioritize relationships while I was growing up. In my mind, that could wait. And they would only serve as distractions for me.

You see, I wanted to be a responsible child by studying well. I wanted to provide for my immediate family and find work that could give them a better life.

So in both high school and college, I was focused on my studies. I also had to study extra hard so that I could maintain my scholarships.

When my father died early, I became the breadwinner for my family. I wanted to help my siblings finish their education and so I focused on my career.

I never made it a habit to look for a love interest like some of my peers did.

2. I found it hard to find people who can relate to my thoughts

I think deeply about things. Even when I was young, my mind was always filled with questions about life.

I wondered about what life was truly about. I wondered about the lives of other people. I wondered about what can make us truly happy.

I longed for meaningful conversations and someone who can understand or challenge my line of thought. Someone who can comment on the same book that we read or the same movie that we watched.

While there are people who also think like that, I haven’t met someone who could be my match during all those years. Those people I knew who could think like that were far older such as my teachers and mentors. Most were already married.

And it didn’t help that my social circle as well as my classmates were short on men. In high school, I was at an exclusive school for girls!

I never had close male friends with whom I could develop a relationship.

3. I felt ugly

I wasn’t confident about the way I looked. I felt that I was too plain-looking compared to other girls my age.

As a result of that, I may have appeared shy and awkward to others. People may have thought twice before approaching me thinking that I did not want their company.

Looking back now, I realized how foolish I was to think that way. Why did I ever think that way? I hope that girls can realize how beautiful they are. And remember that finding someone to be with is different from joining a beauty contest! It certainly is not.

You don’t have to compare yourself to others because you are already beautiful as you are. Don’t try to measure your looks using other people’s standards. Being rejected by some doesn’t mean you will never be attractive to someone else!

Other Issues

Now some people may ask if I could have been married by now if I had been more confident back then, mingled with those more compatible with me or had more time to do so. But again, it’s not as simple as that. Those factors may have affected me, but there are other things and circumstances involved. Perhaps one thing led to another, or maybe every single one contributed to where I am today.

Aside from such, I have also had many realizations along the way, things that made me appreciate the life that I now live and showed me the purpose of my single life.

Discussing all of these, however, could make this article too long. So I would just reserve exploring them for another post.

A single person does not always need “fixing” as though you always need to recommend something. We are not always looking for a date.

But we do need your understanding and respect. We have survived many difficulties along the way, made decisions to the best that we could, and we share the same goal of making the most of the life we have today.

Subscribe now

Subscribe now

Subscribe now

As a single person in my forties, I think I got used to being asked some of the most common questions about being single. Questions such as “Why are you still single?” or “Are you dating someone?” seem to have lost their impact by being asked too often through the years.

But there is one question that I heard someone ask that seems to have verbalized much of other people’s unspoken thoughts about single people. And this one goes like this: “What do you think is your purpose in life as a single person?”

This question may have been asked innocently, but it could certainly carry a lot of weight for the person being asked. In the first place, the fact that this question should be raised seems to imply that it is not very evident what a single person’s purpose could be.

One’s purpose in life is something deeply connected to one’s worth and the meaning of the life one is living. That is why I thought it’s very important to address this question not only for those who are curious, but for single people who may not be able to put into words the current purpose of their lives.

Here are some of the possible answers when it comes to a single person’s purpose in life:

1. To form and nourish deep relationships with other people

Being single does not mean that a person is without any human relationships. While we may not have spouses or children to take care of, we also have other important people in our lives.

These relationships give meaning and purpose to the lives of single people. Our relationships with parents, siblings and close friends help us to find something worth living for each day.

If we have siblings who have children, we also value our relationships with our nephews and nieces. Some of us still have grandparents we can talk to or even take care of in their old age.

I am very thankful for all the people that God has blessed me with. They are like angels in the way that they inspired, supported and defended me.

2. To serve the greater community of people around us

If we extend this further, one can also think of our ties to our neighbors and the people we work with. Many single people also belong to a Church where we form a deep spiritual bond, enabling us to have someone to lean on to when it comes to our faith.

We can also talk about various social and charitable organizations that single people belong to. Through these groups, one is able to make a contribution to society, thereby giving more meaning to their lives.

How many single people do we see who are working silently in Churches or non-profit organizations? They are the ones who offer their time and effort to keep many of these groups working more effectively in achieving their goals.

3. To improve oneself

Single people use the time that they have to learn new skills or engage in new hobbies. Singles continue to enhance their talents so that they can be of better use to those around them.

We aim to develop the gifts and resources God has bestowed upon us, making the most of them and letting them be channels of His grace and blessings to the world.

4. To grow in our relationship with God

For me, this should be the most important goal of single people. Since we have the time and the opportunity to do so, we try to spend time in prayer, reading the Bible and being in God’s presence.

Just like Saint Paul mentioned in the Bible, we can have fewer distractions and focus more on knowing and serving God.

When we come to think of it, however, shouldn’t it be the main purpose of every human being? This is certainly not only for single people but for everyone.

Asking single people about their life purpose seems to indicate how we should dig deeper in realizing the meaning of our life on earth.

This meaning can only be found eventually in our relationship with God. And it is through this relationship that all of our other goals should proceed from.

5. To prepare for other stages in life

While some singles may be single for life, many single people can still look forward to entering other states in one’s life.

Some of us may still get married and have children. Some may discern that one is being called to religious life.

Hence, our current days can also be spent preparing for those seasons.

Our God-Given Purpose

Each person has a unique purpose in life whether one is married, single or in a religious vocation. The important thing is to discover this purpose and devote oneself to making the most of the life one is given.

Being single neither excuses nor excludes one from having a purpose. It is something innate in every human being, and it is something that comes along with our God-given gifts.

We were all created in the image of God. A God who is loving, wise and always works with purpose and meaning in everything that He does. Let us be like Him and rise up to His great plans for our lives!

“Each woman who lives in the light of eternity can fulfill her vocation, no matter if it is in marriage, in a religious order, or in a worldly profession.” - Edith Stein

Subscribe now

Subscribe now

I would like to share the lyrics to a new song I made for single people like me.

It is titled “For the Single and Loveless One”, which I also published on my YouTube Channel “She Who Prays Twice”.

Some of you may immediately notice the word “loveless” that’s in the title, and you may feel that this does not accurately depict the life of a single person, and you are right!

I thought of removing it from the title previously, but I kept it because I would like to discuss more about it here and on other posts. You will be able to read more about it in the discussion after the song and its lyrics below.

For the Single and Loveless One

For the single and loveless one,
for the one who walks alone;
For the one who seeks and cannot find,
for the one who longs for a home.

For the one who aches for true love’s kiss,
for the one who sleeps in the cold;
For the one whose heart is in pain
for the one whose tears fall like rain.

Take heart and see the path you’ve walked,
Rewind the days that made you strong.
Look up and find the sky has cleared,
as birds surround you with their song.

Your wounded heart has been enlarged,
so greater love can find its way.
Your deepest sorrows shall turn to joy,
and your darkest nights shall turn to day!

Music and Lyrics in this video (Copyright by Jocelyn Soriano):
-Original lyrics by Jocelyn Soriano
-Vocals includes AI-generated elements based on Jocelyn Soriano's voice
-Accompanying Music is AI-Generated

Also available on iTunes, Spotify and more… https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/joyceandi/for-the-single-and-loveless-one

Those who know me personally may recognize my voice in the song and this is because I have used some elements of my true voice in its production. The background music is AI-Generated, while the lyrics have been entirely written by me.

The lyrics of the song were actually derived from the poem I wrote about single people. As a single person, I can relate to feelings of longing for love and this is nothing to be ashamed of. However, I also wanted to recognize that this desire does not only refer to one’s romantic partner.

“Love” these days seem to refer only to the romantic idea of two people falling for each other. The truth is that love is not limited only to one’s romantic relationship.

Love is there between parents and children, between brothers and sisters, between neighbors, and sometimes, even between enemies!

I also wanted to emphasize that this longing for love is innate in every human being, and is not just something felt by single people. Even if you are married, your heart will always have that space reserved only for that kind of love that only God Himself can fill.

Yes, love should be about God first of all, who is LOVE Himself. Love comes from Him, and it is to this utmost form and substance of love that our hearts should be drawn to each day.

“You know that the foundation of the world is love, so that even when no human being can or will help you, you may go on, trusting in the One who loves you.”
– Joseph Ratzinger, Jesus of Nazareth

This world may break your heart, but never ever think that your heart wasn’t meant for love! It was from the very depths of God’s love that we have been conceived, and it is to His love that we must go if we are ever going to find true happiness.

Let love then strengthen you each day, especially you, single one! Know that you never walk alone.

“Man is, of all creatures, beloved of God. God created man, and before creating him He thought of him, loved him. This is our treasure: God has loved us, He has created us in love, and because He loves us He wants to draw us back to Himself.” – Marie-Eugene of the Child Jesus, OCD (Where the Spirit Breathes)

Subscribe now

Get the Free e-book "Single People Can Be Happy, Too!" when you subscribe:

Subscribe now

“Don’t be afraid; for you will not be ashamed. Don’t be confounded; for you will not be disappointed. For you will forget the shame of your youth; and the reproach of your widowhood you shall remember no more. For your Maker is your husband; the LORD of Armies is his name.” -Isaiah 54:4-5

Having insecurities as a single person is not a topic that is easy to write about.

I must admit that it is easier to let the world assume that I’m happy all the time and that I have no insecurities whatsoever.

But I think it’s worth discussing something that may affect other people who are also on a similar path in life.

First of all, having insecurities doesn’t mean that one no longer trusts in God. While I would like to hope that faith could be the cure for all of our problems, the truth is that it is not. At least, not in the way we often see it.

When we believe in God, it doesn’t mean that He will automatically take us out of this world and whisk us away to heaven. It also doesn’t mean that we would immediately be immune to all the problems and struggles in life.

Perfection is often a life-long process that would only be complete in heaven. And even for those who are near perfection like the holiest of saints, suffering is never truly gone.

Going back to the topic of dealing with insecurities, we must first separate two things. To struggle with insecurity is different from wallowing in insecurity and allowing it to poison our lives within.

Insecurities will come and go, but we must never let them overpower us.

Here are some of the things I try to do to overcome my insecurities:

1. I listen to the people who believe in me

I’m blessed to have family and friends whom I could talk to. Whenever I feel down, they help me see the positive things in me that I sometimes fail to see.

2. I go back to my journal

I keep I diary, and when I read them again, I realize how much I have already been through. After all the problems and difficulties, I’m still here. And if I could overcome so much then, I could also face the many challenges coming my way.

3. I pray and try to see myself through God’s love for me

When all else fails, there is always God waiting for me. I know that I should have looked to Him in the first place. But whatever may be the situation, know that God loves you and believes in you.

Sometimes I think that He believes in me too much! He believes me more than I believe in myself and so He allows me to experience these struggles.

Here are some of the things I feel I should do more:

1. Start new hobbies

I’m an introvert by nature, and so I rarely go out. My hobbies naturally include indoor ones such as reading and watching Netflix. I do hope that I can start new hobbies that can boost my self-confidence.

2. Develop new skills

It always helps to learn new skills. This is one way to overcome our insecurities, helping us to accomplish more in life. Right now, I’m learning ways to use AI as a tool for my freelance endeavors.

I also love music and have previously had guitar lessons. I think it wouldn’t hurt to explore more on that.

3. Fix my financial condition

One source of insecurity for single people is one’s financial condition. Because we don’t have a family to support or children to send to school, we may live on a minimum budget and forget to save for the future.

I would like to improve on this not only for myself but so that I could be more of help to others, too.

4. Exercise more

Our mood is sometimes affected by our physical condition. And this is especially true for singles who are in the pre-menopausal stage of life.

Having a regular exercise routine can help not only one’s body but also one’s mind and overall disposition. Like me, you can start with at least 15 minutes of exercise on a bike or a treadmill.

Reclaiming our God-given identity

Insecurities can sometimes be magnified to the extent that we forget what we are capable of. It can paralyze us and put us in a loop of negative thoughts.

Let us never forget that God has created us in His own image and likeness. We are capable of great things if we never lose sight of God’s mighty plans for our lives.

Believing in yourself is not selfishness. It is not a bad thing for as long as you attribute all of your positive capacities to God.

"Be who you were made to be and you will set the world on fire" - St. Catherine of Siena

"There's a musical term called crescendo. It means 'louder and louder'. 'Louder and louder' means, on the contrary, the starting point is the smallest. You'll have to sound the smallest now to get louder and louder later... When you feel the smallest, in other words, is when your crescendo begins."
- "Do You Like Brahms?" (Korean Series)

Subscribe now

Subscribe today and download the following FREE e-books:

Subscribe now

To support Jocelyn in her “full-time mission as a Catholic writer”, please consider subscribing/upgrading your subscription, buying her books or giving her a tip via Ko-fi.

You may also want to read:

As a single woman in my late forties, I sometimes regret not having children of my own. If I had at least one child, I could have been a mother. And I could have understood Mary’s love for Jesus more.

But I am comforted whenever I read the following Bible verses:

“‘Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?’ And pointing to his disciples, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.’”- Matthew 12:48-50 (NRSVCE)

Jesus must have known I would feel this way. He must have known how others like me would long to be a mother, brother or sister to Him.

And He gave His own word to let everyone know that even if we did not live during His time, and even if we did not bear Him in our wombs nor had His blood upon our veins, we shouldn’t be hindered from loving Him and claiming Him as our own.

All of us can draw close to Him, as close as His own blood!

If we follow the will of God in our lives, we can be assured of this closeness. And all of our longings and emptiness for love can be filled.

Subscribe now

It may not be the Christmas season yet, but let me share with you a poem I wrote while reflecting about the love and humility of our Lord when He allowed Himself to be a little child for us.

This Is Christmas

God could have come in all His glory,
with trumpets and angels and all,
blazing like fire,
dazzling like lightning
as terrible as the raging of the seas!

But on that Christmas Eve,
He came as a newborn child,
small and gentle,
humble and innocent
as harmless as a dove.

Why He came like this
I didn’t know,
until I looked at my own fears
and wounds.

How could I have come to Him
had I been so afraid?
How could I have even
looked at His face?

But as that babe,
I could cradle Him in my arms,
I could whisper to Him my heart’s desires
I could look upon His eyes
without being judged
without being cast away.

And I love Him more
because He chose to come that way.
Because though He came for the whole world,
He also came for me,
and He knew me,
He knew how I longed to be loved.

But more than loving me,
He allowed me to love Him
and to care for Him,
to carry Him
even though He is actually the One
who carries me.

This is Christmas
This is Holy Night.
In that simple stable
silent and small,
I was saved,
I was healed,
I have been found.

In my Patheos article “What Is Causing the Declining Number of Nuns?” I included several possible reasons for the drastic decrease in religious vocation for women. I also mentioned that in the end, only God knows the needs of our times and how best to fulfill it.

Considering that premise, is it possible that the dearth in the number of religious sisters can find a balancing remedy in the rising number of single women?

I am not proposing that the lay single state can replace the beautiful and profound calling of nuns. But God works in mysterious ways. And sometimes, what we can view as a problem is actually a wonderful opportunity in disguise!

First of all, let us try to differentiate the role of actual nuns versus religious sisters. While nuns spend their time in prayer in convents, sisters generally work actively in the world. Hence, the first is commonly referred to as being “contemplative” while the latter spends more time in “active” tasks.

We can easily see that the role of single lay women is closer to that of active religious sisters, although we can never fully know the possibilities that can find its way through faith and God’s grace.

Is it possible that some single women could have been nuns?

Some single women could still be nuns, while others could still be married. The question above refers to those single women like me who may already be in their forties or even later in life who have never married.

Is it possible that some of us may have discovered our calling late due to some impediments that held us back in doing so?

I know many single people who have devoted their time helping their families financially. Some have taken care of sick relatives. Others may have been busy assisting others for a good cause.

Later on, we get the chance to ask this question since many have asked it from us anyways.

Whatever happened in the past has already passed. All we can do today is act with the time give us. After all, if we truly had our “calling” back then, shouldn’t we have clearly heard it from God?

I remember what Fr. Mike once said. That if God wants us to do something, He will certainly make it clear to do so. He will not give us confusing thoughts nor make us rely on vague signs from heaven.

A calling is a calling. And now what matters is where we are being called today.

Filling in the gaps

What single women may have much that other people don’t is “time”. St. Paul wasn’t wrong when he advised virgins to remain unmarried. We single people have the time and opportunity to devote themselves to God and to serving our neighbors.

Can we fill in the gaps left by the lack of religious sisters? We’ll never truly know. But I would like to believe that whatever we may do out of love for God and others will always be meaningful. It may or it may not fill the gap left by the decline in women religious, but we have our unique calling and it is up to us to respond.

How do we respond to our calling?

It used to hurt me whenever Church people say that no one is called to the single life. In my mind, I’m wondering, “If no one is called to the kind of life I have today, then have I missed my calling? Or wasn’t I called at all?”

The truth is that I believe I was called by God. It may not be that specific call to live a single life, but it is the call to live a life of holiness and love.

In my article “When God Called Me To Be a Writer”, I told the story of my life and how I got to realize His call for me to write for the sake of the Good News.

More importantly, God called me to greater intimacy with Him. He called me by name, He called me His beloved, and in the end, He is also calling me to be His Spouse.

Perhaps to others, only nuns are called to such a high calling. But are not all Christians called to be the Bride of Christ?

Our task in the world today

I would like to believe that there is a good reason behind the rise of single lay women in the world today. While each of us have our own story, we are all being called to do something great for God in that part of the world where we are.

As the world becomes more and more secular, we can be witnesses of God’s love and salvation in our daily lives. We can be models of chastity in a world that has forgotten what it even means. And we can be emblems of deep, true and lasting joy in a world where happiness is as fleeting as each flick of the screen.

Yes, sisters with habits may now be few. But we single women, who are walking in the world today are many. We can bring God right where they never expected Him to be, bringing His healing to comfort those who grieve, His freedom to all who are imprisoned and His light to all who walk in darkness.

You may also want to read:

Subscribe now

Jocelyn Soriano writes about the single life and her Catholic faith at Single Catholic Writer. She is currently single and happy and she would like everyone to know how happy we can be by drawing close to the love of God!

She is the author of To Love an Invisible God, Defending My Catholic Faith and Mend My Broken Heart.

Buy the book from Amazon

Buy the book from Other Digital Stores

Subscribe now

Have you ever had those moments when you felt as though life could have been different from the way it turned out to be?

How did you imagine your life would be when you were young? What were your hopes five or ten years ago?

For some people, this difference could be a welcome surprise. We may have received blessings we never expected to have. We may have met people who blessed our lives beyond anything we could ever imagine.

For some of us, however, our present life could be an array of some disappointing things. We never achieved that dream we had back when we were young. We didn’t become rich. We may still be struggling even though we thought we’d already be financially stable. And yes, for us of some, we may still be single even if we thought we’d get married or we’d be a part of a religious community.

Life doesn’t always happen the way we want it to.

We experience ups and downs along the way. There are detours that take us to unexpected places and situations.

On my part, my life right now is a mingling of the bitter and the sweet. There are things that still frustrate me whenever I fail to lift up my eyes towards heaven as I try to see the blessings sent my way.

One thing that is currently a challenge for me is my financial situation. Although I have survived all these years as a full-time Catholic writer, I cannot say that I have already reached financial stability.

Another thing that can sometimes cross my mind is my inability to have my own family. Unlike my peers, I don’t have children of my own. I can’t also say that I have found a religious community just like the nuns I knew.

It is true, however, that I have found peace.

The kind of peace I never had before even when I still had a stable job in the Corporate world.

And it is also true that deep in my heart, I think I could not settle anymore with any man. Since I tasted God’s love, He was all that could ever satisfy this deep thirst in my heart.

Life may be challenging and a mingling still of sorrow and joy.

But when I come to truly think about it, life is far sweeter than it is bitter. It is more joyful than it is sad.

In the end, happiness and sadness are fleeting things. It is love alone that stands.

Wherever you may be right now in life, do remember what matters most. It may be painful now, and you may not even know how you could carry on.

But continue to trust in the One who loves you.

With His love, your burdens become lighter. They become more bearable because you are not alone.

Subscribe now

Please consider becoming a paid subscriber to support Jocelyn in her vocation as a “full-time Catholic writer.” Paid subscribers can read all her posts and download her e-books “My Journal on God’s Love” and “The Secret to Answered Prayers”.

Subscribe now

You can also support her by buying her books on Amazon.

Read more

This is for those who want to understand the many struggles single people are going through.

Thank you for taking the time to know us more. And if you’re also single, please feel free to share your part of the story through the comments below.

I wrote this because many people claim to understand but don’t. Many people with good intentions also try to help but in so doing, bring us more pain.

Our struggles our real. This is not wallowing or complaining about the cross we must bear. But this is a plea for your compassion.

Every person has a difficulty in life, and that includes single people.

Many single people are already lonely.

I am not saying that this applies to all. But the reality is that single people have no partners nor children nor religious community to support them. They support themselves financially and emotionally. Thank God for the Church because we can still be supported spiritually despite our state of life.

More than the solution that you may offer, do offer us your company and your listening ear.

Offer us your friendship and your recognition of the achievements we have so far been able to make in life.

Each person’s condition in life is unique. You don’t know the full story how we got to the state where we are, why we remain single or why we can choose to be single for the rest of our lives. You don’t know the sacrifices we have made and the difficult choices that led us to where we are.

You don’t know, so we ask you not to judge.

If you are a Catholic (Christian), it may also be very easy for you to say that being single is not a vocation. Technically, you can explain to us the arguments that would take us to that cold and lonely corner saying we have not been chosen to have a sacred vocation here on earth.

It may be very easy, and how I wish it were not! Because it’s not easy to hear people saying that we don’t have a vocation or that we may have just missed it or that we have not been worthy enough to be called to marriage or to religious orders.

To what have we been called then? How do you see our plight?

If you could at least pause for a moment, try to put off your stereotypes and try to see us within the full light of our unique stories.

We have been baptized, too. We have also been “called” to a life of holiness and of love.

And if even that is hard for you, just think about little children. They neither marry nor enter into religious orders. But they are beloved by the Father who watches over them from heaven.

“Don’t be afraid, for you will not be ashamed.
Don’t be confounded, for you will not be disappointed.
For you will forget the shame of your youth.
You will remember the reproach of your widowhood no more.
For your Maker is your husband; the LORD of Armies is his name.”
– Isaiah 54:4-5, WEB-BE

You may also want to read:

Subscribe now

Subscribe now and get these free e-books:

Subscribe now

Become a PAID Subscriber and download the following e-books, too!

Plus read the full Archive, Writer’s Resources, Single Life and Questions to God section.

“Let’s get in touch!” - Joyce

Subscribe now

I once dreamed as though I were a real nun.

In that dream, I wore a white veil and I had just taken my vows. I just felt so happy and free! Yes, instead of feeling confined, I felt that I was finally set free by being able to surrender my entire life to God.

Even years after, I can still remember that dream. And once in a while, I can’t help but think about its meaning. Could it be that my dream had something to do with an unfulfilled desire within me? Did I really want to become a nun but I just failed to do so?

I remember St. Gemma Galgani who had a true calling to be a nun. She heard it loud and clear from Jesus Himself. Due to some constraints in her life, however, she was prevented from becoming one. She lived her life outside the convent, made a private vow of virginity and offered everything to God, even her unfulfilled calling.

How do we ever understand the mysteries of God’s plans for our lives? Will He plant a desire within us only to let it remain unsatisfied?

Not that I have no fault in it. I may have been too busy trying to earn a living or looking in some other direction. Too many things may have been screaming inside my head that I failed to hear God’s gentle whisper.

Hearing God’s Call

I previously wrote an article about God calling me to be a writer. In the midst of my busy career as an accountant and auditor, I was able to hear that call. In fact, I had no peace until I finally listened to that call.

Perhaps God’s call is like that. No matter how you try to look the other way, you would still know. You don’t have to guess.

Fr. Mike Schmidt once said that God’s will is always clear. If He wants you to do something, He will make it clear. You will not be left in utter uncertainty.

Hearing many nun’s vocation stories all told me the same thing. That they clearly heard God calling them.

Seeking My Vocation

There was a time when I entertained the idea of becoming a nun. I even talked to some sisters about it.

However, there was no clear conviction that paved the way towards that vocation.

Before that, I also considered the idea of marriage. But my previous relationships did not work out the way I thought they would.

God’s Call

Time came when I felt God drawing me closer to Him. It’s as though He were leading me towards a new level of spiritual growth.

I cannot say that He called me to be a nun. But I can say that He called me to have a deeper relationship with Him.

He healed many of the wounds within my heart. Wounds of loneliness and rejection. Wounds of being unloved and unchosen.

He removed the many distractions about this or that vocation that kept me away from forming a deeper relationship with Him.

After the Call

Although I wasn’t called to either marriage or the religious life, I can sincerely declare that I finally found my peace. I was finally content and happy where I was!

I saw the many opportunities available to me in my given state of life as a single person.

Nothing was stopping me from going to mass, even if I chose to attend one every day. The sacraments of the Church were mine. The Holy Scriptures were mine to savor and meditate upon. The Blessed Virgin Mary and the saints were mine to accompany me in my spiritual journey.

God has bestowed upon me countless blessings, and He just opened my spiritual eyes to see them!

A sister may contemplate upon Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. And so could I! A nun can spend the whole day in prayer. And so could I!

A Half-Baked Sister

When St. Paul spoke about virgins, there was no distinction yet between religious sisters and lay single women. In a way, I know that I can claim many of the things he spoke about:

“Now concerning virgins, I have no command of the Lord, but I give my opinion as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. I think that, in view of the impending crisis, it is well for you to remain as you are… I want you to be free from anxieties... the unmarried woman and the virgin are anxious about the affairs of the Lord, so that they may be holy in body and spirit; but the married woman is anxious about the affairs of the world, how to please her husband.”-1 Corinthians 7 (NRSVCE)

Despite not being a nun, I’m still unmarried. And I can still devote my time entirely upon God.

In a way, my life can resemble that of a religious sister. I can stay close to the Church and to the sacraments. I can devote my time in reading the Bible and in praying. I can serve my neighbor and do various acts of charity. Even in my present work as a full-time Catholic writer, I can be persistent in spreading the Good News and helping people draw closer to God.

I may have no veil or habit, and I do not have a ring signifying that I have been betrothed to Christ. But I can draw closer to Him and heed His call for all of us who have been baptized in His name.

Call me a half-baked nun if you will, but may God spare me from being a half-baked Christian.

Subscribe now

Why Become a PAID Subscriber?

Paid subscribers get free access to all articles in the “Writer’s Resources” section. You will receive free posts when it comes to my discoveries and other important references to succeed as a Catholic writer in a secular world. You will also have full access to my “locked accounts”.

In summary, PAID subscribers will get the following:

• Full access to our Writer’s Resources section

• Full access to the Archive including all posts in our Questions to God section

• Ability to directly reply to the author through email

• Free e-book: “The Secret To Answered Prayers”

• Free e-book: “My Journal on God’s Love”

  Subscribe now

Become a PAID Subscriber and download the following e-books free:

Subscribe now

We can search for happiness in many things including our vocation. But in the end, only God can fulfill the deepest desires of our hearts! Let us pray that we may be freed from the fears that keep us from drawing near to Him.

You may want to watch the lyric video I made below for the song “I Shall Not Want”. For me, this song expresses so well how our many fears can be driven away once we taste the sweetness of God!

Subscribe now

Have you ever opened up your heart to someone only to be rejected in the end? How does it feel to love someone without being loved back? Or how does it feel to have so much love to give away only to realize your special someone does not want to receive any of that love from you?

Perhaps one of the most painful things in the world is to love someone and not be loved in return. To desire to give so much only to have all of your gifts rejected by the one you love.

Why is it that the people who seem to offer the most love are the ones who are hurt the most? Why can’t their love ever be rewarded with sincere and fervent hearts that can love them back?

Have you ever watched some movies about unrequited love? Or better yet, have you ever watched shows where you rooted for second lead characters even if you knew they won’t end up with the main leads?

There are second lead characters in movies and television dramas that seem to offer more love than the the main leads but are often ignored or unappreciated. Even if their love is recognized, their love is never accepted nor reciprocated.

At the end of the day, however, the audience knows this doesn’t mean they’re less deserving of love. The sad fate of not being loved back doesn’t necessarily mean one is not worthy or that one is not capable of love.

Being rejected by one person doesn’t mean someone is better. It doesn’t mean you are not beautiful or dependable or charming.

But why is it that in real life, that’s just how we feel? We feel ugly and broken and worthless. We feel that when we’re rejected, it’s because something’s wrong with us.

Let us try to see things from another perspective. Being rejected is hard and painful. But let us not jump into the wrong conclusions because of it.

Have you ever considered God’s love?

God is the One who is most deserving of being loved. He is kind, patient and sincere. He always gives His all to the ones He loves. He even suffered a cruel death on the cross just to save them!

And yet how many times is His love rejected and ignored? How many times must He suffer the pain of having His love blocked and unreturned?

God knows our pain. He Himself knows how it feels to be rejected and cast away.

Through it all, however, His love still prevails. He does not yield to bitterness or despair. He does not resort to revenge or resentment.

He finds a way for His love to flow. He just loves and loves and loves. And that’s what can also make our hearts holy in the end.

Your unrequited love is not wasted because it has enriched your heart. It has made you more beautiful and you will carry the fragrance of this love wherever you may go.

Subscribe now

You may also want to read:

Subscribe now

Jocelyn Soriano writes about relationships and the Catholic faith at Single Catholic Writer. She is the author of 366 Days of Compassion, To Love an Invisible God and Mend My Broken Heart.

Buy the book from Amazon

Buy the book from Gumroad

Buy the book from other digital stores

See my other books — click here

Subscribe now

Our relationships are the very foundations that make our lives meaningful.

If our relationships are healthy, we can survive even the toughest problems that come our way. Aside from being a shelter to protect us from the outside world, they’re also a source of our happiness, peace and hope.

What are the most significant factors we should be aware of in making our relationships work? Do we take the time to grow and help each other strengthen the relationships that matter most to us?

Here are 5 of the most crucial factors we need for our relationships to survive:

1. Respect

To respect another person is to give due value to one’s dignity and importance. Without respect, our relationships would crumble and die.

“Every human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect others even as we respect ourselves.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Respect may be hard to define. But lack of respect is something we’d notice easily.

It’s the harsh word that pierces through your heart and seems to judge your whole being. It’s the physical violence that comes from the very person who should have protected you. It’s being set aside and excluded because you were deemed unworthy by the person who should have trusted you.

“Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?” — Confucius

To be respected is to be treated as a human being. It is to feel safe to be yourself because you know that you will be appreciated and valued for who you are. Even if you make mistakes, the other person will still see the best of you, the best you can become.

“When we love and respect people, revealing to them their value, they can begin to come out from behind the walls that protect them.” — Jean Vanier

2. Forgiveness

No relationship can survive without forgiveness. Even the best among us would make mistakes one way or the other. We’d hurt other people and we’d get hurt by the ones we love. If we can’t find it in our hearts to forgive each other, what would happen to our relationships?

“He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach heaven; for everyone has need to be forgiven.” — George Herbert

Only through forgiveness can we find healing. Through forgiveness, we learn to let go of the hurt that continues to consume our hearts. Through forgiveness, we learn to let go of the past. We can start to move on and become even better than before.

3. Communication

Communication is the key to understanding. It is also the key to intimacy. Through it, we can convey our thoughts and feelings better.

Isn’t this what a relationship consists of? To have someone who will listen to us and make us feel less alone. To have that person who values our perspective in life and respects us enough to hear our thoughts even if they may be different from one’s own.

“Honest communication is built on truth and integrity and upon respect of the one for the other.” — Benjamin E. Mays

While it may not be easy to adjust our communication style to fit the other person’s, we must strive to at least reach a point where we can meet and understand the other.

“The first duty of love is to listen.” — Paul Tillich

4. Commitment

Every relationship requires commitment. Through commitment, we resolve to do our best to make things work and to endure even the difficult times that come.

Where there is no commitment, there is no true love.

“Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision.”― Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving

5. Love

People talk about love all the time. But do we still know the true meaning of love?

Love is not just about our fleeting emotions. Love is not only the fun and excitement we experience when we first get to know the person. While love may bring us happiness, love does not need to fade in times of grief or sorrow. Because love is beyond all that.

When we say that we love another person, we consider the good of that person. We want the best for him or for her.

Love takes away our selfishness because it takes us away from looking only at our own needs and wants. We learn to look at the other person’s needs. We strive to grow with them and we’re happy to see them become the best of who they are.

“Love is active, sincere, affectionate, pleasant and amiable; courageous, patient, faithful, prudent, long-suffering, manly, and never seeking itself. For in whatever instance a person seeks himself, there he falls from Love.”
— Thomas Kempis

Final Words

It’s not easy to make a relationship work. Even if we find the best people, we can’t avoid times of difficulty that would challenge the way we look at our relationships. But we can use those times to grow as a person, and to grow in our capacity to love.

To love is to be more human than we think we could ever be. It is to empty ourselves of false illusions while embracing reality with hope and courage.

Let us be aware of these 5 crucial factors that can help make our relationships survive. May they guide us to be less selfish and more compassionate. May they show us the path to a more meaningful life with the people that we care about the most.

Subscribe now

Jocelyn Soriano is the author of Mend My Broken Heart, 366 Days of Compassion and Beloved.

Mend My Broken Heart

Get the book from Amazon today — click here

Get it as a PDF file from Gumroad — click here

Find it on other digital stores — click here

“No matter how much we want to, there is no magic formula in healing a broken heart. There is no time-frame also. What we need is to know that our suffering is not meaningless, that the love we have given was never wasted, and that somewhere beyond all our pain, there is hope, hope that could help us endure the hurt we’re going through.”

Get the book from Amazon today — click here

Subscribe now

I had always been sensitive when it comes to the topic about vocations. Being a single lay person who feels I have not been called either to marriage or to the religious life, I could sometimes feel as though I have lost my vocation or worse, that God never called me at all.

Many people don’t realize how painful it feels to be “unchosen”.

An older single person is not only someone who had been unchosen by other people as a spouse. One had also not been chosen by God to enter the religious life. And if I had not been called like that, what is God’s purpose for my life?

Some people suggest I could look into the vocation of consecrated virgins. They are single people like me who are in the world but who remains unmarried.

Still, not everyone can be consecrated virgins. We each have our unique situation in life that eliminates the path toward other vocations. We can strive to do our very best and still not enter into any of the sacramental vocations.

Subscribe now

As a single person, it is not the title that I need.

Nor is it superiority in knowing that I live a very holy life.

Perhaps what I need is a little assurance that God also called me, even from where I am.

The truth is that I felt Him calling me years ago. And when He did, I felt so happy! I felt that God has planned a meaningful life for me even if I may never marry or profess a religious vow.

But that was before I read about so many things that seem to exclude the single life from being a true vocation.

I can understand the logic behind the Church’s stand on what to consider as a vocation. That we are only called to a life of love that foreshadows Christ’s wedding to His bride. That this includes marriage and the religious life. Nobody is called to be single forever, hence being single is not a vocation.

Does this mean however that we can’t live a life filled with God’s love as a single person? Absolutely not! Love is the calling of every baptized Christian.

What I would like to say is that I have also been called by God to fulfill a mission within the state of life of being a single person. This is something meaningful and beautiful. And I would like to let other single people know that they are also called.

What wrong have we ever done to feel as though we have missed or failed to deserve God’s call?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church itself states:

1658 We must also remember the great number of single persons who, because of the particular circumstances in which they have to live - often not of their choosing - are especially close to Jesus' heart and therefore deserve the special affection and active solicitude of the Church, especially of pastors… Some live their situation in the spirit of the Beatitudes, serving God and neighbor in exemplary fashion.”

What’s more important here is that even in this state of life, we can be “especially close to Jesus’ heart”.

What I need from the Church is more affirmation of this kind.

Many singles live solitary lives away from those who could support them. Without families or religious congregations, the last thing they need is to be judged or to be looked down upon.

Here are some ways the Church can help single lay people:

1. Remind us that though the single life itself is not a vocation, every single person is still called by God.

The state of being single may not be recognized as a vocation in itself, but within that state, a person is definitely called to fulfill one’s Godly mission.

2. Expand discussions about the vocation of the laity to include the call of single people.

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way at times. There are other people who may also be looking for their place in the Church. The divorcees. People with homosexual tendencies. The sick and disabled who can neither marry nor profess religious vows. The widows. Lay men who cannot become consecrated virgins like women.

Their need to find a place and purpose within the Church can better be addressed by emphasizing their unique role and vocation as part of the laity.

Here is what the Catechism of the Catholic Church says about the vocation of the laity:

The vocation of lay people

898 "By reason of their special vocation it belongs to the laity to seek the kingdom of God by engaging in temporal affairs and directing them according to God's will....

899...Lay believers are in the front line of Church life; for them the Church is the animating principle of human society. Therefore, they in particular ought to have an ever-clearer consciousness not only of belonging to the Church, but of being the Church, that is to say, the community of the faithful on earth under the leadership of the Pope, the common Head, and of the bishops in communion with him. They are the Church.

3. Find more concrete ways to reach us and to give us “the special affection and active solicitude of the Church, especially of pastors.”

During times of difficulty, loneliness and struggle, they need pastors who can listen to them without judging and who can let them see the power of God working in their lives.

The Church must be able to give them the direction they need to move forward in faith that within their current state of being single, they can also be channels of God’s grace and love.

Final Thoughts

The history of the Church has allowed it to move in various directions of growth, especially in the formation of different forms of religious life. Along the way, men and women have professed the evangelical counsels and served as a witness of God’s truth and holiness to the world.

In recent years, however, as we see an increasing number of single people who seek to find more meaning and spiritual direction within the confines of ordinary life, we need a renewed framework that can bring the Gospel to the world through those who can be bearers of God’s message of salvation there.

As part of the laity, single people can be the very witnesses the Church can use to proclaim God’s truth in farthest corners of the world.

“I will give you the treasures of darkness
and riches hidden in secret places,
so that you may know that it is I, the Lord,
the God of Israel, who call you by your name.”
-Isaiah 45:3 (NRSVCE)

You may also want to read “When Will the Church Recognize the Vocation of Single People?” and “Is Being Single Not Good Enough For Heaven?”

Subscribe now

Many don’t realize the kind of cross LGBTQ people are carrying in life.

While many would like to keep an open mind and avoid being judgmental, gay people are still not seen as the unique people they truly are.

The cross that gay people carry isn’t the same cross that married people or those in religious life bear. It isn’t even the same with the cross of non-LGBTQ single people. It is something else. Something we must try to understand deeper if we’re ever going to give them love, respect and compassion.

Here are some of the things that can help us understand the unique cross of LGBTQ people:

1. It’s a very lonely cross to bear

While some gay people do get married (to the opposite sex), many will not have partners they can be with for life.

Further, those with “deep-seated” homosexual tendencies are also not admitted to the Holy Orders using the Criteria for the Discernment of Vocations:

“…the Church, while profoundly respecting the persons in question, cannot admit to the seminary or to holy orders those who practise homosexuality, present deep-seated homosexual tendencies or support the so-called ‘gay culture’”. — Congregation for Catholic Education

It’s a very lonely cross for our gay brothers and sisters. Most single non-LGBTQ people still hope to get married someday and they can even be called to religious life later on. But for their gay counterparts, other people must understand how lonely it must be to stand on their own for life.

As a single person, I sometimes feel lost about my vocation and role within the Church. (I wrote about this more in my article “Being Single as a Vocation to Love”.) How much more those who are part of the LGBTQ?

2. It affects their identity

Fr. Mike Schmidtz has differentiated our sense of identity with our experiences. In a way, he tries to give this perspective that we shouldn’t allow our experiences to define who we are.

But how should LGBTQ people define themselves when they often mistake their identity as that of being “disordered”?

In my article “This One Word Drives LGBTQ People Away From the Church”, I have discussed how the Church can better help gay people find their unique path in life.

It isn’t enough to tell people the temptations they should avoid. They should also know who they are. Yes, they were made in the image and likeness of God. But in what way?

“If you and I try to define ourselves by anything less than who we truly are it will always end up in heartbreak… it will always end up in pain.” — Fr. Mike Schmitz

3. It burdens them with a feeling of shame

This is a common experience of gay people. Even without doing any sinful act, they feel shame just for being who they are. They are burdened with the shame of their homosexual tendencies.

4. It affects their perspective on love

How do you begin to love when even your natural instinct to love has been marred with these “disordered” tendencies?

Other people may not realize how this affects the entire life of a person. Because this isn’t only about abstaining from sex. It’s about your romantic attractions and desires. It’s about the dreams you can have and the kind of life you can look forward to.

Bearing your unique cross in life

LGBTQ people have a unique cross to bear in life. If they have been allowed these trials and tendencies, I would like to believe that they are also being given unique opportunities and blessings.

“The law came in that the trespass might abound; but where sin abounded, grace abounded more exceedingly, that as sin reigned in death, even so grace might reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” — Romans 5:20–21, WEBBE

“If you are a homosexual, you bear a unique cross. I can no more tell you why you bear this particular cross than why I must wear a leg brace and a back brace. Or why some people must battle with alcoholism. Or why Jesus, the Son of God who came to live among us, had to suffer the indignities, humiliation, and pain that He did. You should harbor no guilt for the cross you bear. You should not feel shame. You are a human being, made in the image and likeness of God. Your cross happens to be homosexuality.”
- Mother Angelica’s Answers, Not Promises

Subscribe now

Do you have any questions to God? You may want to take a look at my book “Questions to God” — click here.

You may also want to read:

To Love an Invisible God

Defending My Catholic Faith

366 Days of Compassion

Mend My Broken Heart

Of Waves and Butterflies: Poems on Grief

Get my books from other digital stores — click here

Jocelyn Soriano is a Catholic devotional writer and poet. Aside from Medium, she also writes at I Take Off the Mask and Single Catholic Writer.

Subscribe now

“In every friendship hearts grow and entwine themselves together, so that the two hearts seem to make only one heart with only a common thought. That is why separation is so painful; it is not so much two hearts separating, but one being torn asunder.”- Fulton J. Sheen

When we were kids, I think a friend is that one person we get to love for real outside of our family. It is from this person that we learn how to like and how to be liked. It is from this person that we learn the meaning of “trust”. When we grew up, however, the word love referred more and more to that “special someone”, a girlfriend or a boyfriend we feel we’d give our lives for no matter what.

Maybe this is the reason why “broken hearts” almost always meant breakups with one’s romantic partner. It’s as though our hearts could never be broken by anyone else. It’s as though we couldn’t suffer more whenever we lose a friend.

If you have experienced losing both, however, would you agree? Was it any less painful when you’ve lost your friend?

Digging from my own experience, I can say this: that I have wept more and anguished more over losing a friend than over losing a boyfriend. I have spent more sleepless nights over friendships lost than over romantic relationships that failed. Losing a boyfriend was painful, but losing a friend made me question what human relationships were supposed to be about.

What is a friend?

“The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, ‘What? You too? I thought I was the only one.’” — C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

To find a friend is to find someone like myself, someone who is very similar, yet a bit different somehow. It is to see a soul that is almost like a mirror of my own, a soul who can see things in almost the same way that I see it.

This is one reason why friendships are so vital. Friends help validate our perspective about life and the world we live in. They help us see the meaning we seek. They help us find the truth we’re looking for.

And that is why all the other qualities that other people say about friends depend only on this very foundation. They say that friendship is trust. But how do you trust someone who cannot share the core of who you believe you are? They say that friendship is camaraderie. But how could anyone be a good company to you when they cannot look into your soul?

Friends understand one another’s soul, that’s the full meaning of it. And that’s why it’s so painful to lose them. For what would you do once your soul could no longer be one?

How do we lose our friends?

If friends share the same soul, how then do we lose a part of our souls? How does it happen? When do friendships really end?

1. The problem of distance

“Go often to the house of thy friend; for weeds soon choke up the unused path.” — Scandinavian Mythology

One of the most common reasons for losing friends is physical distance. It’s when we need to go to another school or another town. It’s when we need to live elsewhere so we could follow our dreams.

We may not want it to happen, but whenever we decide to live far from our friends, we’re also putting our friendships at the risk of being torn apart. Maybe it doesn’t happen abruptly. We convince ourselves that we could still see each other now and then. We also tell ourselves that much has changed with the world’s technology, and we can still communicate with each other in a heartbeat wherever we may be.

But distance changes things. It changes our friendships slowly. It weakens it without our awareness until that day when we finally realize how it has claimed some of the most valuable friendships we’ve ever had.

“Friendship is the greatest of worldly goods. Certainly to me it is the chief happiness of life. If I had to give a piece of advice to a young man about a place to live, I think I should say, ‘sacrifice almost everything to live where you can be near your friends.’” — C. S. Lewis

2. The problem of outgrowing one another

There are times when it’s not the physical distance that separates us from our friends but the distance of our growth as individuals. People change. Along the way, we discover dreams we never thought we had. Sometimes, we have to adapt to our present struggles and we change our priorities.

When your relationship with your friend was formed, you were walking along the same path, and most probably, you were also walking toward the same destination. You may both be carefree and fun-loving, not minding at all what would happen in the future. One day, however, you just realize that one of you has changed. Your friend may have decided to take life more seriously and you miss all the exciting things you did together. You miss the times you could just laugh and play without any worries.

It could also happen that you just wake up one day not knowing what you and your friend could enjoy doing together. You want to go to the movies, but you remember that your friend told you how she never really enjoys watching them anymore. You may want to visit your favorite library, but your friend often excuses herself because she would go trekking or mountain-climbing with her other friends.

Through the years, we may discover different paths. We may develop new hobbies and lose our common interests. We may also find out how we’ve grown into totally different kinds of people.

The friendship struggles because we could no longer stand by each other the way we did before. One day, we may gain the momentum to walk a bit faster, moving on without our friend. It could also be the other way around, and we’re the ones left behind. No matter how painful, we learn to move on and let go.

“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.” ― Anais Nin

3. The problem of misunderstanding

Though friends often have many things in common, they also have unique personalities and perspectives. One person may be more introverted than the other. Another may appreciate taking more risks, which the other may not understand. Friends don’t always have to agree with each other, but they do have to learn how to work out their differences.

The problem comes when two people who used to think they understood each other could no longer continue to do so. Sometimes it starts with a simple word that could no longer be taken back, a word that leaves a lasting and unfavorable impression upon the other. Sometimes it starts with a friend’s failure to help us in times of need.

How many times have we felt let down just when we needed our friend’s support? How many times have we felt it isn’t safe anymore to share our dreams without being criticized?

Some friends argue all the time yet end up closer than before. Some friends, however, fail to overcome their differences. They discover things they never thought they would. They hear words that forever leave a gap that neither friends are able to cross.

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.” — Henri J.M. Nouwen

4. The problem of death

Physical distance can be crossed; emotional and intellectual misunderstandings may one day be healed. But what about dying? What if a friend must say farewell forever and you could see him no more?

What do you do when you find yourself in a restaurant you both enjoyed? When you find yourself walking toward your favorite spot at the park?

You watch a sitcom you both enjoyed and you miss that one person who could laugh along with you. You look at your desk and you see that book she has urged you to read so many times.

You miss that friend whom you could argue with and reconcile with as though nothing has ever come between you. You miss her to whom you have shared your deepest fears, your first heartbreak, your perennial whines about work.

Death takes away all things, even friends. The problem with death is that it takes away a part of your soul where you could no longer find it. Augustine of Hippo couldn’t have described it better in the following quote:

“I was amazed that other mortals went on living when he was dead whom I had loved as though he would never die, and still more amazed that I could go on living myself when he was dead — I, who had been like another self to him. It was well said that a friend is half one’s own soul. I felt that my soul and his had been but one soul in two bodies, and I shrank from life with loathing because I could not bear to be only half alive; and perhaps I was so afraid of death because I did not want the whole of him to die, whom I had loved so dearly.”

5. The problem of betrayal

When a friend dies, you at least have the consolation of her memories. Had she been alive, you know you’d still be friends. But what about someone who betrays your friendship? What about someone who has made a mockery of something you’ve cherished so much?

When a friend turns against us, we’re immediately gripped with the most troubling thoughts and emotions. Why has she done this to me? Was she not someone who believed in me? Was she not the friend whom I have trusted with all my heart?

I have revealed to her everything: my joys and sorrows, my fears and doubts, my virtues and sins. She has seen it all and I thought she has loved me despite all that, loved me without my mask. After this betrayal, I no longer know what to think. Has she been laughing at me all this time?

The hour of loss

“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”― Kahlil Gibran

I think friends are like stars

Some fade away slowly, others are gone in an instant. Whichever it may be, they take away the light they gave and often leave us alone in the dark. People sometimes don’t understand what it’s like. They don’t know why we grieve when there are a hundred million stars left in the heavens.

Of course, they’re right! But no matter how many there still are, none of them were ours. It was not a nameless star that has just vanished. It was a friend, a dear friend, and when they break our hearts with their absence, we often don’t know where to start.

What do you do when you lose a friend?

1. Accept the loss

“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.”― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Acceptance of the loss of our friendship doesn’t mean forgetting everything. It doesn’t mean we regret all the years we’ve spent trying to make that friendship work.

One way of looking at acceptance is our ability to see things in another way. It means leaving behind what could never be, or what never was. It means looking forward to what can still be, and to what has always been true.

For those who have been hurt, acceptance is letting go of the need to oblige someone else to pay you back. For those who have been abandoned, it means opening up your heart again instead of expecting someone to return from the past. For those who grieve for a dear friend’s passing, it means letting the good memories heal the silence of your loss.

2. Forgive

Whatever may be the reason for the end of one’s friendship, we need to seek a path toward forgiveness.

We forgive those who took our friendship for granted. We forgive those who have deserted us just when we needed them most. We forgive those who have hurt us more than our enemies ever could.

We also forgive ourselves for our shortcomings. We forgive ourselves for forgetting, for not caring enough, for taking for granted all of those times we should have been there for our friends.

Life is too short to live with a grudge. Forgiveness alone opens the door toward new beginnings.

3. Cherish the good

There are times when it’s hard to recall the good things. When you’ve been hurt so much, all you could see is your pain. Many times, you don’t even want to look back. Why look back? Why be hurt again by the betrayal of a friend? Or why remember the happy times when you could no longer bring them back?

We look back because there is some good in the past we do not want to lose. We look back because we want to keep the happiness we’ve found, and the lessons we’ve learned, lessons that have shaped us into the kind of person we are today.

There is some good in everyone. There is something to cherish even in friendships that broke your heart in two.

4. Cry

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” — Washington Irving

Something happens when we allow our tears to flow. Somehow, crying helps release the hurts we’ve been keeping for far too long. Hurts we’ve buried so deeply we hardly knew they were there. As we undergo the process of healing, there are times when we must yield to our tears so we can start moving on.

Cry then for the friend who betrayed your trust. Cry for those who have forgotten. Cry for those whom you will never forget.

5. Get in touch with other friends

It is my hope that you have other people left who care for you. One friend may have hurt you. Some others may have forgotten you. But if there are still some who can be there for you, do keep in touch with them and let them know how important they are in your life.

They may never fill that space in your heart that your other friend has left, but they can remind you that you are still loved.

6. Have patience; it takes time to heal

“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.” — Octavia Butler

It takes time to heal. There are good days when you’d feel as though you’d have moved on already, and then there are days when you’d feel sad again, days you’d still miss them so badly it hurts. Have patience then. Let time do its part in healing you.

7. Make new friends

Losing a dear friend often affects the way we look at things.

If we have been betrayed, we may conclude that making friends is no longer worth it and that it’s too difficult to start trusting people again.

If a dear friend has died, we may fear losing yet another one. We may just want to be alone and avoid the pain of loss altogether.

What we must remember is that we could never know what happens if we never try. People are different. Circumstances also change. What happened before could never tell what could happen next.

Let us not hinder our painful experiences from making us enjoy true friendship. Who knows? He or she may just be waiting for you all along.

Other things that could help

1. Keep a journal

After losing a friend, we need time to sort out our thoughts and emotions. Sometimes, there are people who could listen to us without judging us complicating things. Sometimes, however, we need to process things on our own.

Keeping a journal can help us process our complex thoughts and emotions. It can help us vent out our anger, concretize our fears, or even list the things we can do to move on.

2. Write a poem

Poems can help us put into words some feelings that are too deep to say. They need not be perfect; they need not even rhyme! What’s important is that we’re able to express how we feel.

3. Stay away from social media

Social media can remind us a lot about the friends we lost, especially when the loss has just happened. We may need to isolate ourselves for a while as we start the process of healing.

4. Be ready when meeting mutual friends

We need to be ready when meeting our mutual friends, especially when our friendship has ended from a misunderstanding or betrayal. We may be tempted to vent out our emotions and thereby say things we may regret later on. We may also feel disheartened when our other friends take sides. If we can’t avoid meeting them, we have to be ready when the time comes to talk with them again.

5. Find a new hobby

Hobbies help us forget our worries even for a while. The problem is when our hobbies are the same ones that remind us of our lost friend! We may need to explore new things and make new hobbies. Try to find different activities that could interest you and take away your stress.

6. Keep yourself busy with volunteer work

Aside from hobbies, we may also busy ourselves with charitable and other volunteer works. Helping other people oftentimes helps us forget our own troubles.

7. Improve your self-esteem

Losing friends oftentimes affect our self-esteem. We may wonder why we were not valued or why we were betrayed. Did we deserve the loss of our friendships? This is the best time to take care of yourself and protect yourself from depressing over matters you could no longer control.

You may have made some mistakes, but you have also tried to be a good friend. You may have failed some people, but that doesn’t mean you could no longer grow.

8. Choose new friends wisely

“Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.” ― Anais Nin

We need to be careful in choosing our friends. After coming out of a broken friendship, we must also be wiser in choosing those to whom we should pledge our loyalty. Whenever you try to make new friends, you can ask yourself, “Are these the ones I could give my life for? Do I merely enjoy their company, or do I believe they’re the ones who could help me become a better person?”

Has your friendship really died?

Here is one final takeaway. Before we could ever move on, we need to answer the question, “Was our friendship really over?”

We need to know if we could still save our friendship. Somehow, we need to find out for ourselves if the friendship has ended without our control or if we can still do something about it. And if we could, would we want to?

Here are some steps we could take in giving friendship one last chance:

1. Think about what went wrong

Some friendships have faded slowly throughout the years. Though you have grown apart over time, you can ask yourself if you could still revive such friendships. It may not be easy, but it may be easier to do so rather than to start over with a new friend.

For friendships that have ended abruptly, we can think about what kind of misunderstanding has taken place. Is it just a matter of being able to see the other person’s perspective? Are there irreconcilable differences? Could trust no longer be regained?

2. Reach out

When you have realized that a friendship can still be repaired, you can make the necessary measures to mend what has been broken.

If your friend is trying to apologize, you can accept his apology after he has regained your trust. On the other hand, if you were the one at fault, you can admit your shortcomings and be the one to extend your apologies to your friend.

Sometimes, no apologies are required anymore. All that’s needed is an appropriate time and place to know each other again.

3. Wait

After trying to reach out, the next step could be to simply wait for your friend to think about the matter. This is especially true when you’re the one trying to reconcile with her. Though the mind can understand logically, the heart often takes time to mend, especially when the hurt was deep.

4. Decide to let it go

After exploring all avenues for reconciliation, you may learn that the friendship could no longer be saved. You must then decide to let it go and move on. You must then decide to heal.

Failure to revive a friendship doesn’t mean utter defeat. You have learned much from the process, and you can now be a better friend. You can also choose more wisely now. You have another chance of establishing a friendship that could last a lifetime.

“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort, of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away.” — George Eliot

Final thoughts

We can only lose a friend if we have truly gained a friend. We weep because we have laughed. We feel our hearts torn apart because we have loved.

Having a friend may not always be celebrated as much as having a lover. But without friendships, what would this world become? How would our lives be?

It is in the presence of our friends that we experience life in its fullness. It is through our struggles together that we become better human beings.

I wish that every person could have at least one true friend, a friend who would know one’s heart and soul, a friend who would not hesitate to lay down one’s life for the sake of those whom he loves.

“For what purpose, then, do I make a man my friend? In order to have someone for whom I may die, whom I may follow into exile, against whose death I may stake my own life, and pay the pledge, too.” — Seneca

Mend My Broken Heart

Get the book from Amazon today — click here

Get it as a PDF file from Gumroad — click here

Find it on other digital stores — click here

Single people are a diverse group of people

It would be very hard to categorize us.

Some of us are very young and eagerly looking for one’s partner in life. Some of us are older and have reached both emotional and financial stability already. Some may not have been single at one point in their lives. For one reason or the other, they are also now living independently just like other single people do.

Perhaps what unites us all are some of our common hopes and vulnerabilities.

Our common hopes

Single people may be found in all stages of life, but there are common hopes that unite us.

One such hope is that wherever we may be, we can find a way to live a meaningful life.

For younger ones, it could mean studying with the goal of having a good career one day. For more mature ones, it could be devoting oneself to an activity that could benefit other people.

Another hope we may all share is our hope for happiness.

We hope that we can fill that empty place in our hearts with that kind of happiness that lasts. We seek that feeling of satisfaction, wholeness and joy.

Our common vulnerabilities

As a single person who has found a more stable perspective in life, I admit that I still feel vulnerable on some occasions.

There are passing moments when I long for a person to be there for me, to listen to me. There are times when I wish I could have someone whom I can call my own.

Because it’s not easy to live life independently.

When you’re single, you have to carry all the weight of your actions and decisions. And you have to learn to stand up for yourself.

It’s not that you can’t do that when you already have a partner.

But it’s different when you know someone will support you all the way.

The grace given us

I sometimes imagine single mothers who need to raise their children alone. Or those who have been widowed without having a child.

Each single person has a cross to carry and a challenge to face in life.

That doesn’t mean, however, that we are not provided with the grace we need.

The world may not see it immediately, but we can recognize the gifts we are given. So let us carry on and let us not lose heart. Do not look very far ahead without counting the strength God would bless you with along the way.

We are His and we are loved. Let us cling to Him all the more with a single and undivided heart!

Subscribe now

Although the single life can be seen as challenging by many, it is also a life that can be filled with beautiful things.

In my daily life as a single person, I continue to find many small tokens of love from Him who knows me and loves me.

I enjoy many simple pleasures that remind me that Someone is always looking after me.

Here are some of the simple things that I enjoy in my single life:

1. Taking a walk

Walking is not only good for your body, it’s also good for your soul! It’s one of the activities I love doing as a single person.

While walking, I can enjoy the beauty of nature surrounding me. I can see the sun shining through the leaves of the trees. I can hear the birds chirp as though singing in prayer. When it’s that time of the day when there are many people around, I can take pleasure in seeing their faces, thanking God for creating us all in His wonderful image and likeness.

Taking a walk for me is indeed an opportunity for silent prayer. I can talk to God along the way and listen to Him at the same time.

2. Reading a book

I’m obviously an introvert! I enjoy even rainy days because in those days, I can just stay in bed reading my favorite book.

When I read a book, I feel like I’m being transported into another world. Isn’t it exciting every time?

3. Drinking my favorite cup of coffee

What’s your favorite coffee? Or are you the type who enjoys hot chocolate or tea instead?

I can enjoy all of them!

But my morning ritual includes drinking a cup of coffee. It can be a good brew of my favorite hazelnut blend. Or it can be an instant coffee like Maxim (a Korean brand). Those who watch Korean dramas can relate…

This is one of the simple pleasures in life that God allows me to enjoy.

4. Watching Netflix

Now not all people may agree. But I do enjoy watching some shows on Netflix. Earlier I mentioned about Korean dramas.

What I like about these dramas are that they are '“generally” wholesome. And while Korea is not a Christian nation, I appreciate those times when they feature the Catholic faith in some of their stories.

Generally, they don’t feature Catholics in a negative light. They even mention Mother Teresa when they refer to someone who is good and charitable to other people.

5. Listening to cello music

I usually didn’t see myself as one to appreciate classical music, but I recently subscribed to a YouTube channel that features someone who plays the cello so well.

Just listening to this type of music reminds me of heaven. Not to mention that the cellist even plays some Christian songs.

What are your favorites types of songs? Do you also enjoy instrumental music?

Being Grateful for the Blessings

The single life is not just about being alone and feeling lonely. We can also use our times of solitude to enjoy the simple pleasures God has given us.

They may not be the things other people urge us to aspire to. But they certainly make each day more beautiful.

Let us continue to look for all the wonderful blessings God has given us. It is there if we have the eyes to see and the heart to receive every gift we can find.

Here’s a photo of me saying “Hi!” (Looks like I found a nice filter effect for this one.) God bless you! I hope you subscribe to Single Catholic Writer so we can get to know each other better.

Subscribe now

There was a time in my life when I felt really lonely for being single.

Not that I don’t get lonely anymore. I think it’s normal for everyone to feel lonely every now and then, even married people. But comparing the way I felt before, I could see how I was much lonelier then.

When I come to think about it, I couldn’t pinpoint right away why I felt that way. I still had time to marry and start a family then. I had more than enough time to raise my own children.

I tried to reflect upon this thought with the hope of understanding other single people like me better. What is it that makes us feel lonely? Is it really the absence of a partner in life? Is it our worries of never forming a family we can call our own?

Here are some of the things I have realized could be causing single people to feel lonely:

1. Comparing yourself with other people

Here is one thing that definitely makes our single lives more lonely. It’s when you start to compare yourself with your peers who are already married.

You attend their wedding ceremonies one by one. Sooner or later, you’re invited to the baptism of their first child. You can’t help but wonder, “When would I be the one to get married?”

The existence of social media only worsens the situation because it seems to taunt you everyday with the happy photos of your friends and the family that they now have.

If you would like to lessen your feelings of loneliness, try to stop comparing yourself with your friends. If you can’t make their happiness a source of your happiness, at least, try not to let their happiness make you sad.

If it’s really hard, try to find another group of people who will not always remind you of what you don’t have. They could be much younger people or those who are a bit older, the ones who won’t make you feel as though you’re missing out on something.

You can also lessen your time on social media. It may help if you subscribe to other accounts that could show you that there’s more to life than the events that make up the daily life of your married friends.

2. Imagining the perfect relationship

Another cause for your loneliness could be the way you’re trying to idealize that perfect partner in your head.

You may feel as though other people have already found “the one”. A soulmate that makes them happy all the time. Someone who never gets mad. A person who will never let you down.

This is not reality. No matter how good another person may seem to be, nobody’s perfect. People who love each other do hurt each other sometimes.

Stop imagining that perfect partner. Creating a more realistic image of another person may help lessen the loneliness you feel. It can also help you engage with people who may not be as perfect as the idealized images you used to have.

3. Lack of deep relationships with other people

Romantic relationships are not the only types of connection that can help our lives become meaningful. Sometimes, we fail to appreciate the people that we have in our desire to meet that “special someone” we’ve been dreaming of.

Try to reignite your relationship with your family and relatives. Call your parents and recall their unconditional love for you.

You can also cherish your old friendships as well as make new ones in your life journey. Meet people who have similar interests and hobbies you can spend more time with.

Even if you already have a family of your own, you would appreciate how you took good care of the other significant people in your life.

4. Lack of worthy cause to devote oneself to

It is quite possible to still feel lonely even if you’re busy with a worthy cause. As I have said above, everyone could feel lonely at one point or the other.

But it is also possible for some people to find more satisfaction in life even if one is single if they could find a cause worthy of one’s time and effort.

It could be a cause to save the environment. It could be an organization that helps give livelihood to the poor. It can be a spiritual ministry that spreads the Good News to other people.

We sometimes forget our loneliness when we think more about helping other people. We also find how connected we truly are with others. We realize that we are not alone in our struggles in life.

5. Looking for something that only God can give

At the end of the day, we all feel lonely whenever we fail to take care of our relationship with God.

God is our ultimate end and the true Source of our happiness. Only His love will carry us through eternity.

Before I found a deeper connection with God, I expected too much from my relationships with people. I then realized that many times, I was expecting from people what only God could possibly give.

God’s love is unchanging and eternal. Only His love can fully satisfy our hearts and souls.

Final thoughts

Loneliness is more common than we think. Let us never assume that those in a relationship never get lonely.

If being single, we feel as though our loneliness is unbearable, it may be time to think about the other aspects of our life.

Let us take care of ourselves and our relationships with other people. Let us use the time we have for a worthy cause. Finally, let us never forget the One who always stays by our side whether we recognize Him or not.

God is the One who will always be there for you. Only His love can give you unfailing happiness and love without end!

“You see God created you and I
to be happy in this life
and the next… He cares for you.
He watches your every move.
There’s no one that loves you
can do that.”
– Mother Angelica

Subscribe now

“Single Catholic Writer” continues to exist thanks to the people who continue to support it financially and spiritually. Please consider being a paid subscriber to help Jocelyn write more about the single life, relationships and the Catholic faith.

If you have not yet subscribed, sign up for free today and receive the following books:

Subscribe now