5 Things That May Be Causing Your Loneliness as a Single Person
How to cope and find meaning in your single life
There was a time in my life when I felt really lonely for being single.
Not that I don’t get lonely anymore. I think it’s normal for everyone to feel lonely every now and then, even married people. But comparing the way I felt before, I could see how I was much lonelier then.
When I come to think about it, I couldn’t pinpoint right away why I felt that way. I still had time to marry and start a family then. I had more than enough time to raise my own children.
But why did I feel lonelier then than now?
I tried to reflect upon this thought with the hope of understanding other single people like me better. What is it that makes us feel lonely? Is it really the absence of a partner in life? Is it our worries of never forming a family we can call our own?
Here are some of the things I have realized could be causing single people to feel lonely:
1. Comparing yourself with other people
Here is one thing that definitely makes our single lives more lonely. It’s when you start to compare yourself with your peers who are already married.
You attend their wedding ceremonies one by one. Sooner or later, you’re invited to the baptism of their first child. You can’t help but wonder, “When would I be the one to get married?”
The existence of social media only worsens the situation because it seems to taunt you everyday with the happy photos of your friends and the family that they now have.
If you would like to lessen your feelings of loneliness, try to stop comparing yourself with your friends. If you can’t make their happiness a source of your happiness, at least, try not to let their happiness make you sad.
If it’s really hard, try to find another group of people who will not always remind you of what you don’t have. They could be much younger people or those who are a bit older, the ones who won’t make you feel as though you’re missing out on something.
You can also lessen your time on social media. It may help if you subscribe to other accounts that could show you that there’s more to life than the events that make up the daily life of your married friends.
2. Imagining the perfect relationship
Another cause for your loneliness could be the way you’re trying to idealize that perfect partner in your head.
You may feel as though other people have already found “the one”. A soulmate that makes them happy all the time. Someone who never gets mad. A person who will never let you down.
This is not reality. No matter how good another person may seem to be, nobody’s perfect. People who love each other do hurt each other sometimes.
Stop imagining that perfect partner. Creating a more realistic image of another person may help lessen the loneliness you feel. It can also help you engage with people who may not be as perfect as the idealized images you used to have.
3. Lack of deep relationships with other people
Romantic relationships are not the only types of connection that can help our lives become meaningful. Sometimes, we fail to appreciate the people that we have in our desire to meet that “special someone” we’ve been dreaming of.
Try to reignite your relationship with your family and relatives. Call your parents and recall their unconditional love for you.
You can also cherish your old friendships as well as make new ones in your life journey. Meet people who have similar interests and hobbies you can spend more time with.
Even if you already have a family of your own, you would appreciate how you took good care of the other significant people in your life.
4. Lack of worthy cause to devote oneself to
It is quite possible to still feel lonely even if you’re busy with a worthy cause. As I have said above, everyone could feel lonely at one point or the other.
But it is also possible for some people to find more satisfaction in life even if one is single if they could find a cause worthy of one’s time and effort.
It could be a cause to save the environment. It could be an organization that helps give livelihood to the poor. It can be a spiritual ministry that spreads the Good News to other people.
We sometimes forget our loneliness when we think more about helping other people. We also find how connected we truly are with others. We realize that we are not alone in our struggles in life.
5. Looking for something that only God can give
At the end of the day, we all feel lonely whenever we fail to take care of our relationship with God.
God is our ultimate end and the true Source of our happiness. Only His love will carry us through eternity.
Before I found a deeper connection with God, I expected too much from my relationships with people. I then realized that many times, I was expecting from people what only God could possibly give.
God’s love is unchanging and eternal. Only His love can fully satisfy our hearts and souls.
Loneliness is more common than we think. Let us never assume that those in a relationship never get lonely.
If being single, we feel as though our loneliness is unbearable, it may be time to think about the other aspects of our life.
Let us take care of ourselves and our relationships with other people. Let us use the time we have for a worthy cause. Finally, let us never forget the One who always stays by our side whether we recognize Him or not.
God is the One who will always be there for you. Only His love can give you unfailing happiness and love without end!
“You see God created you and I
to be happy in this life
and the next… He cares for you.
He watches your every move.
There’s no one that loves you
can do that.”
– Mother Angelica
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