Believing in God Doesn’t Mean You’ll Never Feel Alone
Why God does not fill every empty corner of our hearts
I’m near that age when I won’t be able to bear children anymore. I also feel that my chance to find a husband had already passed. (It’s a long story and it deserves a separate post from this one.) If anybody asks me about raising a family, I’d probably reply that I think I’d be single for the rest of my life.
I cannot say, however, that I’m unhappy with my life right now. And I’m in no rush to find that special man and take my last chance to be a mother. In all honesty, I think I could no longer give my heart away to any man. (This, too, deserves another story.)
But I guess what I wanted to tell you is that there are still moments when I start to wonder about the chances I had lost.
There are still times when I can’t help but think of the life that could have been for me.
I could have been the faithful girl who gave her all to the man she loved. I could have been that young mother who had cared deeply for her children.
Why was I not meant to love the way that other people love? Why was I meant to live my life alone?
Within my heart I feel that I have so much love to share. Why was there no man to whom I could give all that love away?
I could have talked for hours over the phone over sweet nothings. I could have made him personalized gifts. I could have walked with him as we held each other’s hands.
Why was there no man who could watch a beautiful sunset with me? Why wasn’t there any man who could look at me as though I was the most precious girl in all the world?
I could have slept under the stars with him. I could have run away with him as though there was nothing in the world we couldn’t possibly do.
O, the countless things I could have done. The countless joys I could have had!
I could have been so happy as I walked down the aisle to meet him. I could have shed tears of joy as I held our baby upon my arms.
But I wasn’t meant to love that way. And these are but things that could only come true in a distant dream.
I know that other people can tell me that we can still love in another way. There are so many people we can love and so many opportunities to express our love for them. While I couldn’t agree more, I’d like to say that every human being has an innate desire one can’t just quickly put aside. We all crave to love and to be loved, and we cannot be blind to all the avenues we’ve lost just because we could see other channels where love could still flow in our lives.
Our thirst for love is something that reminds us of our humanity.
It reminds us of the stuff we’re made of and what we’re searching for.
But what about God’s Love?
I answer that it is this love indeed that alone can quench the deepest longings of our hearts. All other loves flow back to this One Source of all goodness, beauty and joy.
And can this not satisfy the emptiness we feel from our lonely pilgrimage on earth?
It can certainly do that and more! But before we forget, we must keep in mind that we are indeed still in a pilgrimage, and we are not yet home. Though we may see a glimpse of Him, we cannot see Him yet face to face.
While we are still in this journey, He allows us to feel certain pangs of loneliness and pain. He does not fill every empty corner of our hearts nor does He make us forget all of our sorrows. For reasons known to His wisdom alone, not every wound within us may be healed.
And so even if you believe in God and you love Him, and even if you feel that He loves you with a love no other man could possibly match, there could still be times when you feel alone. Yes, there could still be times, when like me, you’d feel like going back to a life you could have lived, and a love you could have had.
“I could have loved that way also,” I say to myself as I try to wipe away some tears.
And then I pray and I surrender all to Him, who alone can fill that huge hole in my heart.
For the Single and Loveless One
For the single and loveless one,
for the one who walks alone;
For the one who seeks and cannot find,
for the one who cannot make it home.
For the one who aches for true love’s kiss,
for the one who sleeps in the cold;
For the one whose pain cannot be healed,
for the one whose tears you dare not hold.
For the one who bleeds like rain,
for the one whose heart is in pain;
For the one whose touch is repulsed,
for the one whose feet are scarred.
Take heart and see the path you’ve walked,
Rewind the days that made you strong.
Look up and find the sky has cleared,
as birds surround you with their song.
Your wounded heart has been enlarged,
and now greater love can find its way.
Your deepest sorrows shall be your joy,
as your darkest nights shall turn to day!