Should We Flaunt Our Faults?

On self-awareness, authenticity and the pursuit of goodness

Imagine being hurt so deeply by some harsh words someone said to you. No matter how much you thought about it, you couldn’t think of any good reason why you deserved to be insulted that way. So after some reflection, you opened your heart and told that person how his or her words hurt you. In the end, however, that person simply shrugged one’s shoulders and told you, “Don’t be so sensitive! This is the way I talk, you know. Did you expect me to be perfect?”

Instead of receiving an apology, you received sarcasm. Instead of trying to improve one’s ways, the other person simply accepted the fact that one couldn’t possibly achieve perfection.

One of the most common ideas when it comes to personal development these days is to accept one’s imperfection, and with that, the encouragement to reveal one’s flaws to the world. The concept is that it is our flaws that make us unique. It is our shared vulnerabilities that make us human. And there shouldn’t be any shame in flaunting our faults.

I must admit that this can sound like a very empowering thought! And it is tempting to use it as one’s motto in life.

For many people who have been constrained by perfectionism and harshness towards themselves, this could be liberating. No longer does one have to strive hard to be perfect. All that we must do is be ourselves and live our lives the way we want to whether the world may like it or not!

If we compare it to the Christian ideals of “being perfect”, our belief may sound too naive and idealistic indeed. Are we even living in the real world? Who are we to think that we could even attempt perfection?

And on a certain level, we must admit that we dare not attempt this on our own. Only God is good. That is what Jesus Christ Himself said. On the other hand, He also told His disciples, “Be perfect as the Father is perfect!”

Is Jesus Christ telling us to do something utterly impossible? Why would He tell His followers to do something that will only end in failure and disappointment?

The only conclusion we can make is that Jesus told us this because it is “possible” to do so.

It is similar to the thought of the rich going to heaven. While He Himself said that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, He also said that with God, all things are possible.

And that’s the key! Perfection then is possible when we consider the grace of God. We must be humble enough to admit that without God, even our very best will never be enough to reach perfection. No person on one’s own capacities will be able to rid oneself of every fault, of every bad intention, or of every word or deed we commit that would hurt other people.

Left to ourselves, we will continue to struggle in our relationships. We would hurt the very people we intended to love. And we will fail the very ones we wanted to nurture and protect.

Because that’s what our imperfections do. They do not remain to be minor irritations we can easily ignore. They are not the romanticized versions of “imperfect yet good people” we often read on the internet.

We can’t remain imperfect and avoid hurting each other.

This is the very reason we should think twice before flaunting our faults.

First and foremost, let us be aware of the kind of faults we are talking about. If we are merely talking of our physical or intellectual flaws such as our skin imperfections or our inability to remember everything that we read, then these do not count as something to be ashamed of.

But what about our tendencies towards greed and selfishness? What about the painful betrayals that can ruin our relationships? What about the resentments that can grow into wrath and vengeance for those who have done us wrong?

It is these imperfections that cause people to bully others or to criticize someone harshly on the internet. These are also the flaws that make us self-righteous and judgmental of others.

Even what seems to be the most loving relationships can suffer from flaws that can seem minor at the start. Years of ignoring these, however, can wither even the most fruitful bonds. It can tear people apart, people who have once professed undying love to each other.

Have we not, in a moment of stress uttered something that terribly hurt a close family or friend? Did we not do anything we’d rather change given the opportunity to do so?

You can also try to picture a marriage where the husband or the wife engages in an illicit love affair. Upon being discovered, that person merely excuses oneself saying, “I can’t help it. I’m just an imperfect human being.”

Flaunting our faults is dangerous because it can encourage us to give up on trying our very best to love the people around us. It can deaden our conscience, and make us proud of our shortcomings instead of regretting them and setting our minds to do better next time.

This is not about being scrupulous or being anxious about perfection. But this is about the risk of not seeing areas of improvement and being too complacent with our faults.

Let us remember that it is not the damage committed by sheer weakness or ignorance that kills one’s soul. It is the stubbornness of heart and utter lack of shame in committing a grave fault that plunges our hearts into darkness.

It is true that by our own power, we can never reach the heights of goodness and perfection. But we should never lose hope. God is there and He is with us. If we allow Him to lead us, He will grant us the grace and the strength to be holy and perfect like He is.

This is our true destiny, the one that God has planned all along. That we may be like Him so we can share in His joy for all eternity! Only then can we be truly happy. When we finally become holy, it is then when our broken hearts can be healed. That is precisely what holiness accomplishes for us. To be holy is to be “whole” again.

“My sacrifice, O God, is a contrite spirit;
a contrite, humbled heart, O God, you will not scorn.”
-Psalm 51:19 (NABRE)

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