What Are the Signs That You Genuinely Love Another Person?
And the signs that could tell you it isn’t true love
“Life’s greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved.” — Victor Hugo
Sometimes, the simplest questions are the ones that are most difficult to answer. And many times, the simplest answers are the ones we fail to understand.
What is love? How do you know you are loving another person? These questions are so simple but we often find ourselves at a loss in answering them.
Perhaps the more important question is, “Why do we fail to see the answers?”
When it comes to love, why do we fail to see what true love is? Is it because we really don’t know where to start searching for it? Or is it because we’re afraid of where it could be found?
How do you know if you genuinely love another person?
For all its simplicity, the question may astound us and leave us fumbling for words.
Some of us may begin to equate love with feelings. Others may say that it is truly seen in one’s actions.
When we consider the countless answers we get from people, it’s no wonder then that we find it so difficult to love with genuine love.
Perhaps it can be easier to find the answers by first describing what love is not.
How do you know if you are not being loved? How do you realize that the love being given to you is not true?
You are not being respected
One of the first signs of genuine love is respect. When the other person does not treat you with respect, you may very well doubt if love was ever there.
Listen to the other person’s words. Observe his or her actions towards you.
Are you being treated harshly? Are you being abused verbally or physically?
“Respect is love in plain clothes.” — Frankie Byrne
You are not being heard
The one who loves knows how to listen. To the one who loves, your words are important.
When you are not being heard, you feel as though you are not being valued.
“The first duty of love is to listen.” — Paul Tillich
You are not being prioritized
One of the most obvious signs of love is the time and the priority being given to you. While it’s practical to not expect your special someone to be with you all the time, it is also not good to know if you are always being neglected and considered as a lesser priority in one’s life.
You are being cheated
Good relationships grow through sincerity. When your partner is not being faithful to you, you need to think twice about your relationship.
You are being manipulated
There are different kinds of manipulative strategies that people can use against you. Some can manipulate you through financial matters. Others can seek control by manipulating your emotions.
Genuine love does not try to manipulate the other. Love gives freedom and values the other person’s dignity.
You feel like being used
A person is not an object to be used. A person is someone who should be treated with respect, a person who should be cherished and loved.
When you feel as though the other person is merely using you, you have the right to find out if you are just misunderstanding the situation or if you are already being taken advantage of by the other person.
“Love is active, sincere, affectionate, pleasant and amiable; courageous, patient, faithful, prudent, long-suffering, manly, and never seeking itself. For in whatever instance a person seeks himself, there he falls from Love.” — Thomas Kempis
You feel more and more alone
Love is a union between souls. It is something that should make us feel happy because we’re no longer alone. We are not alone because we have at last found someone who cares for our good.
If all that the other person cares about is oneself, how would love ever survive?
You are not being encouraged to grow
The one who loves should seek the good of the other. Your lover must seek your good, your growth and your happiness.
If you are not being allowed to grow and to be the best version of yourself, something is definitely wrong.
In this respect also, you must consider the person who merely desires to please you even if you do things that would eventually harm you. Is that person really in love with you? Or is that person merely holding on to you for his or her selfish desires?
“Blessed is the influence of one true, loving human soul on another.” — George Eliot
Final thoughts
While it is never easy to distinguish authentic love from false love, there are warning signs that could help us differentiate between the two.
The most important signs include selflessness and sacrifice. Without these things, the other person could only be using you for one’s own desires.
The one who loves is not someone who always tries to please you, but one who is truly concerned for your good.
“Love often knows no measure,
but burns beyond all measure.
Love feels no burden, values no labours,
would like to do more than it can do,
without excusing itself with impossibility,
because it believes that it may and can do all things.”
— Thomas Kempis
Jocelyn Soriano is the author of “Mend My Broken Heart.”
This book is a result of years of listening to real people who have real hurts and who struggle with the pain of not knowing how to heal a broken heart. For more than 10 years, Jocelyn Soriano has been a go-to friend, author and prayer partner and has helped inspire people through her writings.
“No matter how much we want to, there is no magic formula in healing a broken heart. There is no time-frame also. What we need is to know that our suffering is not meaningless, that the love we have given was never wasted, and that somewhere beyond all our pain, there is hope, hope that could help us endure the hurt we’re going through.”