What Do You Do When You're Single and Menopausal?
The struggles of being single and nearing menopause
I’m at that point in my life when I’m already experiencing perimenopausal symptoms. According to WebMD in its article “Perimenopause”, women in their 40s can begin experiencing several signs of perimenopause, the transition of a woman’s body when the ovaries begin to make less estrogen.
These are the years leading to menopause. And some of the symptoms I experience include mood swings, hot flashes, fatigue, irregular periods, and trouble sleeping.
Being already at that age, I can’t help but think about the way my body used to be. Strong, flexible and full of energy. I could stay up all night studying or working and continue to work the next day without any trouble.
I also used to go on fieldwork without needing to anticipate the kind of weather or living conditions I’d encounter. I’d move without hesitation because I wanted to seize every minute of life and not miss a thing!
A Season of Letting Go
With perimenopause, I can sense a different season in my life coming in. A season of uncertainty and vulnerability. A season when I need to let go of many things I used to have.
First, I need to let go of my expectations when it comes to work. I must accept that there will be days when I won’t be as fast or as efficient as I used to be. There may even be times when I need to take a rest and pause.
I would also have to accept the way other people may look at me. Being single, there are already many opinions about my life and the choices that I’ve made. Now that I’m nearing menopause, I think more people would find it easier to say something about what I’m losing or have already lost.
This season also clearly marks the end of that one dream most women have: having children. Of course, I don’t even have a husband, to begin with. But the symptoms I currently feel tell me something very conclusive.
I may no longer have children. I would probably never experience being a mother.
On Motherhood and Menopause
Most women already have many children before they reach menopause. This time then can be a season of gratitude and contentment. It is a time of looking back at all those years of being able to bear life from within one’s womb.
But how about those women who are single? Women like me who may never become mothers?
To be honest about it, there are times when I thought about being a mother. It would have been wonderful to have children to love and care for. Children you could see growing and living meaningful lives.
But I must be careful not to look too long at what I do not have. While there are blessings given to women who have been biological mothers, there are also blessings given to those who have become spiritual mothers.
I lay no claim to being a good spiritual mother. But I would like to thank God for the opportunity to serve others even if I may never become a mother.
Menopause may not be the time for single women to see how their children have grown. But it can also be a time for gratitude for all the opportunities to love and serve one’s neighbors.
I know many single people who have been very active in serving the Church. Many have also served their families. Some have been like a beacon of light to friends who needed someone to listen to them and to be with them in their darkest hours.
Your Support System
When you’re married, you normally have a support system that can help you in your time of transition to menopause. You have a husband whom you can lean on for understanding and strength. You have children who can make you laugh or even help you do small chores.
When you’re single, however, you don’t have the same support. In fact, you may have to do many things alone. You go to the doctor yourself. When you experience hot flashes at night and you have trouble sleeping, you see no other person beside you to comfort you. All these things could just coincide with your mood swings.
You should accept that some things are going to be harder. But you shouldn’t let this time bring you down.
Try to seek a different support system that could work for you. You may have other single friends you can call when your mood is down. You can also take some of your family or friends with you when you need to have a medical checkup.
You and I may be single, but we need not be alone.
Our True Refuge
Whatever stage in life we may be going through, let us remember that we have One refuge we could always go to in times of need: God.
God knows what we’re going through. He goes with you and sees your every move.
He knows that this is a difficult time of testing and letting go. But we can all surrender everything to Him who can console us and give us the strength we need.
This could be a time of pruning, but pruning is only done so that the tree may become more fruitful later on.
A season of letting go may come, but soon another season could begin. A season of welcoming new things and looking forward to more meaningful experiences.
Being single and menopausal need not be the end. It could be the beginning of more wonderful things to come!
“Sing, O barren one who did not bear;
burst into song and shout,
you who have not been in labor!
…For your Maker is your husband,
the Lord of hosts is his name;
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth he is called.”
- Isaiah 54:5 (NRSVCE)
Jocelyn Soriano writes about the single life, relationships and the Catholic faith. She is also the author of the books To Love an Invisible God, Mend My Broken Heart and Before You Fall In Love Again.
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