Where I’d Be Without My God
“...we need to fall, and we need to be aware of it; for if we did not fall, we should not know how weak and wretched we are of ourselves, nor should we know our Maker's marvellous love so fully...” ― Julian of Norwich, Revelations of Divine Love (Translated by Elizabeth Spearing)
Sometimes I wonder where I’d be and how my life would be like had God not come and rescued me.
I used to think I was a good person, that I couldn’t be as bad as some people seem to be. But now I learn more and more how incapable I am of being good without His grace.
Without God, I am prone to hurt not only myself but also other people, especially the ones closest to me.
Without God, I am left to my own weaknesses and wounds. I will forever go about trying to live a good life and then failing again and again. I will forever aspire for happiness only to find out that I was just like a broken vessel that could never contain the happiness I desire to hold.
Indeed, some happiness may come, but it would soon slip away. It would find its way through various cracks and holes within me. And I’d be left empty like I was before.
We are made in God’s image, and there is some potential for goodness in each of us. But that potential had been messed up so much by sin that we’ve become incapable of fully redeeming ourselves.
That’s the reason God pursued us and reached out His hand to save us. That’s why He came down in this dark world. For without seeing a glimpse of Him, how would we even know what light is like?
Without God, I may claim that I care for other people. I may even accomplish much good. But up to what extent?
For how long can I be kind when others are no longer being kind? For how long can I be patient when I’m already being hurt?
“The real trouble is that 'kindness' is a quality fatally easy to attribute to ourselves on quite inadequate grounds. Everyone feels benevolent if nothing happens to be annoying him at the moment. Thus a man easily comes to console himself for all his other vices by a conviction that 'his heart's in the right place' and 'he wouldn't hurt a fly,' though in fact he has never made the slightest sacrifice for a fellow creature. We think we are kind when we are only happy: it is not so easy, on the same grounds, to imagine oneself temperate, chaste, or humble.”― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain
The problem is that I can all too easily feel righteous even when I’m only justifying my wrong behavior. And if there is no God, whose idea of righteousness should prevail between yours and mine?
I need God, both as a measure of true goodness and the grace by which I may achieve it.
Without God, I am lost. Without God, I may not even know how lost I truly am.
If there was any good that I was still able to do then before knowing Him, perhaps, it was God in His kindness also, who has given me enough grace to avoid total ruin before realizing my desperate need for Him.
This journey of discovery which I have written more in detail in my book “To Love an Invisible God” is a life-long process that would go on. I am reminded of my need for Him each time I lose my temper or each time I offend others with my words.
I need God every moment of my life.
I need Him more than the air I breathe or the food I need each day.
God is the light that shows me the way, the light by which I see things more clearly. God is Love. The kind of love that gives meaning to my whole being, the only kind of love that helps me to love other people the right way.
Jocelyn Soriano is the author of “To Love an Invisible God” , “Mend My Broken Heart” and “366 Days of Compassion”.
