3 Reasons Why I’m Still Single at Forty-Nine

Reflections on my journey as a single woman

So many people have asked why I’m still single that I couldn’t count how many times I’ve been asked that. I must admit, however, that my answers have not been that consistent.

Sometimes, I would say that I still haven’t found “the one”. At other times, I would simply smile and avoid the question.

I know that many have asked simply out of curiosity. Some may have asked out of concern. But one thing is certain, it is not a very easy question to answer. And I feel that most singles can also agree with me on that.

How can I put every life event, decision and circumstance into a simple answer that people would understand? It would be very hard to explain all the factors that contributed to my being single. Sometimes I also doubt whether I could be certain why I never fell in love to the point of getting married and starting a family.

But I would try to put some of the answers here. I hope that some people can have an idea why some people still remain single instead of starting a family like most people do.

Here are some of the reasons why I may have stayed single for so long:

1. I was too busy to think about having a boyfriend

I wasn’t the type to prioritize relationships while I was growing up. In my mind, that could wait. And they would only serve as distractions for me.

You see, I wanted to be a responsible child by studying well. I wanted to provide for my immediate family and find work that could give them a better life.

So in both high school and college, I was focused on my studies. I also had to study extra hard so that I could maintain my scholarships.

When my father died early, I became the breadwinner for my family. I wanted to help my siblings finish their education and so I focused on my career.

I never made it a habit to look for a love interest like some of my peers did.

2. I found it hard to find people who can relate to my thoughts

I think deeply about things. Even when I was young, my mind was always filled with questions about life.

I wondered about what life was truly about. I wondered about the lives of other people. I wondered about what can make us truly happy.

I longed for meaningful conversations and someone who can understand or challenge my line of thought. Someone who can comment on the same book that we read or the same movie that we watched.

While there are people who also think like that, I haven’t met someone who could be my match during all those years. Those people I knew who could think like that were far older such as my teachers and mentors. Most were already married.

And it didn’t help that my social circle as well as my classmates were short on men. In high school, I was at an exclusive school for girls!

I never had close male friends with whom I could develop a relationship.

3. I felt ugly

I wasn’t confident about the way I looked. I felt that I was too plain-looking compared to other girls my age.

As a result of that, I may have appeared shy and awkward to others. People may have thought twice before approaching me thinking that I did not want their company.

Looking back now, I realized how foolish I was to think that way. Why did I ever think that way? I hope that girls can realize how beautiful they are. And remember that finding someone to be with is different from joining a beauty contest! It certainly is not.

You don’t have to compare yourself to others because you are already beautiful as you are. Don’t try to measure your looks using other people’s standards. Being rejected by some doesn’t mean you will never be attractive to someone else!

Other Issues

Now some people may ask if I could have been married by now if I had been more confident back then, mingled with those more compatible with me or had more time to do so. But again, it’s not as simple as that. Those factors may have affected me, but there are other things and circumstances involved. Perhaps one thing led to another, or maybe every single one contributed to where I am today.

Aside from such, I have also had many realizations along the way, things that made me appreciate the life that I now live and showed me the purpose of my single life.

Discussing all of these, however, could make this article too long. So I would just reserve exploring them for another post.

May this be enough, however, to say that discussing a single person’s reasons for staying single is a complex matter that should be handled with sensitivity and openness.

A single person does not always need “fixing” as though you always need to recommend something. We are not always looking for a date.

But we do need your understanding and respect. We have survived many difficulties along the way, made decisions to the best that we could, and we share the same goal of making the most of the life we have today.

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