Loneliness, the Single Vocation and the Single Secular Life
There are two ideas that seem to be most prevalent when it comes to understanding the value of the single life. The first one is that it is a privileged and self-chosen lifestyle to achieve absolute freedom, independence and empowerment. The second one is that it is a misfortune for those who have failed to find their vocation.
As a single Catholic, however, who believes that my singleness is a vocation, I stand on another ground.
First of all, I think that some people can be specifically called in their single life to accomplish something unique and wonderful for God.
Not everyone can be married or become a priest or a nun. Some people have been called to serve God and dedicate their lives to Him in another way. We are not all called to marriage or the religious life, but we are all called to be holy. That is the path of every baptized Christian.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church states: “Love is the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being” (CCC 1604).
Regarding the privileges of the single life, I must agree to some but I cannot consent to all ideas of the single life from our secular world.
Let me first mention some of the gifts that come along with the single life.
Single people may indeed have more time and thereby more freedom to do other things that their married friends may have less time doing. Even St. Paul acknowledged this in the Bible, emphasizing how single people have more time to devote to the things of God.
“I should like you to be free of anxieties. An unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord.” - 1 Corinthians 7:32 (NABRE)
But I don’t feel comfortable whenever the single life is discussed as a path to merely escape one’s responsibilities in life. It should not be a road to live life less, but to live it more fully!
It’s wonderful to have the time to study more, pursue your interests and improve yourself so that you can bless others more with your gifts. But one shouldn’t choose the single life for the sole purpose of gratifying oneself.
Being single should not lead us to selfishness but to offering ourselves for the greater good.
I remember a time when I needed a friend and everyone just seemed so busy. It was then that I thought about how wonderful it would have been if there were more people who could be available when you need them. I guess that’s what the single life can give.
Availability. The opportunity to be there when others can’t.
While God doesn’t forbid us to love ourselves and seek those things that make us happy, He also knows that in the end, what could make us truly happy is the thought that we have loved and we have filled our lives with love.
“For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” - Matthew 16:25, NABRE
Single life, as the vocation I see it to be, is also not something that makes us immune to the troubles and loneliness of life.
Even if I believed that this was the life God had called me to, there were times when I still felt lonely. It is a natural human need to yearn for the company of someone who cares for you.
But this is where the distinction between the single vocation and the single secular life becomes more pronounced.
Here, we must understand that being single (according to God’s plan and purposes) is not about self-sufficiency but about total dependence on God.
Our motto shouldn’t be “I can do this alone and I don’t need anyone else!”. It should instead be “With God, I can do all things.”
(“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” - Philippians 4:13, NRSVCE)
God still allows me to feel lonely from time to time so that I may remember to cling more to Him.
While the single secular life may intend to uplift singleness and show its many benefits, we should not stop there. There is a spiritual dimension that can allow us to find a deeper meaning to our being single.
Could God be calling you into a life of deeper devotion and service?
Prayer is the key to listening and beginning our journey towards understanding God’s great plan for our lives.
“For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart...” - Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NRSVCE)
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Though I'm married, now approaching 37 years, I yet find that I can apply what you've said here to an upcoming transition: our son (our only child) is finishing homeschooling in a few weeks and heads off to college in August. My wife and I are actively exploring what we'll be doing with the time and energy that that change of relationship will release--abd service and deepening our devotional lives is part of that. So, what you've written here isn't applicable only to singles....
This is a really great post. I don't think I'm necessarily called to the single life but I am single! It does resonate with my life recently. I was the only one out of a family with 71 grandchildren who had the time to help my Nonno and Nonna with their health problems. I also helped take care of their older friends. Basically I was on call, ready to help anyone because I didn't have a job and was single.
I had some great times with them and although years went by without getting a girlfriend or a job, I was able to prolong the life of people I love and help others out. Now I have a job and I get to be with my Nonna and her friend.
It is true about the loneliness. It made me realize that loneliness isn't that bad. It's almost like being bored. You should be lonely and bored sometimes because the alternative is running around like your hair's on fire.
Also if you can't have fun being single then:
1. No one will want to go out with you.
2. You're not going to have fun when you're married.