What I Need From the Church as a Single Person

I had always been sensitive when it comes to the topic about vocations. Being a single lay person who feels I have not been called either to marriage or to the religious life, I could sometimes feel as though I have lost my vocation or worse, that God never called me at all.

Many people don’t realize how painful it feels to be “unchosen”.

An older single person is not only someone who had been unchosen by other people as a spouse. One had also not been chosen by God to enter the religious life. And if I had not been called like that, what is God’s purpose for my life?

Some people suggest I could look into the vocation of consecrated virgins. They are single people like me who are in the world but who remains unmarried.

Still, not everyone can be consecrated virgins. We each have our unique situation in life that eliminates the path toward other vocations. We can strive to do our very best and still not enter into any of the sacramental vocations.

As a single person, it is not the title that I need.

Nor is it superiority in knowing that I live a very holy life.

Perhaps what I need is a little assurance that God also called me, even from where I am.

The truth is that I felt Him calling me years ago. And when He did, I felt so happy! I felt that God has planned a meaningful life for me even if I may never marry or profess a religious vow.

But that was before I read about so many things that seem to exclude the single life from being a true vocation.

I can understand the logic behind the Church’s stand on what to consider as a vocation. That we are only called to a life of love that foreshadows Christ’s wedding to His bride. That this includes marriage and the religious life. Nobody is called to be single forever, hence being single is not a vocation.

Does this mean however that we can’t live a life filled with God’s love as a single person? Absolutely not! Love is the calling of every baptized Christian.

What I would like to say is that I have also been called by God to fulfill a mission within the state of life of being a single person. This is something meaningful and beautiful. And I would like to let other single people know that they are also called.

What wrong have we ever done to feel as though we have missed or failed to deserve God’s call?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church itself states:

1658 We must also remember the great number of single persons who, because of the particular circumstances in which they have to live - often not of their choosing - are especially close to Jesus' heart and therefore deserve the special affection and active solicitude of the Church, especially of pastors… Some live their situation in the spirit of the Beatitudes, serving God and neighbor in exemplary fashion.”

If the circumstances in our lives have brought us to the single state where we are, God understands and knows this should not be a cause for shame on our part.

What’s more important here is that even in this state of life, we can be “especially close to Jesus’ heart”.

What I need from the Church is more affirmation of this kind.

Many singles live solitary lives away from those who could support them. Without families or religious congregations, the last thing they need is to be judged or to be looked down upon.

Here are some ways the Church can help single lay people:

1. Remind us that though the single life itself is not a vocation, every single person is still called by God.

The state of being single may not be recognized as a vocation in itself, but within that state, a person is definitely called to fulfill one’s Godly mission.

“Love is the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being” — St John Paul II (Familiaris Consortio, 11)

Being Single as a Vocation to Love

2. Expand discussions about the vocation of the laity to include the call of single people.

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way at times. There are other people who may also be looking for their place in the Church. The divorcees. People with homosexual tendencies. The sick and disabled who can neither marry nor profess religious vows. The widows. Lay men who cannot become consecrated virgins like women.

Their need to find a place and purpose within the Church can better be addressed by emphasizing their unique role and vocation as part of the laity.

Here is what the Catechism of the Catholic Church says about the vocation of the laity:

The vocation of lay people

898 "By reason of their special vocation it belongs to the laity to seek the kingdom of God by engaging in temporal affairs and directing them according to God's will....

899...Lay believers are in the front line of Church life; for them the Church is the animating principle of human society. Therefore, they in particular ought to have an ever-clearer consciousness not only of belonging to the Church, but of being the Church, that is to say, the community of the faithful on earth under the leadership of the Pope, the common Head, and of the bishops in communion with him. They are the Church.

3. Find more concrete ways to reach us and to give us “the special affection and active solicitude of the Church, especially of pastors.”

During times of difficulty, loneliness and struggle, they need pastors who can listen to them without judging and who can let them see the power of God working in their lives.

The Church must be able to give them the direction they need to move forward in faith that within their current state of being single, they can also be channels of God’s grace and love.

Final Thoughts

The history of the Church has allowed it to move in various directions of growth, especially in the formation of different forms of religious life. Along the way, men and women have professed the evangelical counsels and served as a witness of God’s truth and holiness to the world.

In recent years, however, as we see an increasing number of single people who seek to find more meaning and spiritual direction within the confines of ordinary life, we need a renewed framework that can bring the Gospel to the world through those who can be bearers of God’s message of salvation there.

As part of the laity, single people can be the very witnesses the Church can use to proclaim God’s truth in farthest corners of the world.

“I will give you the treasures of darkness
and riches hidden in secret places,
so that you may know that it is I, the Lord,
the God of Israel, who call you by your name.”
-Isaiah 45:3 (NRSVCE)

You may also want to read “When Will the Church Recognize the Vocation of Single People?” and “Is Being Single Not Good Enough For Heaven?”