Sometimes I wonder if the world still knows what kindness means.
Can we still be kind? Can we still see each person in the same way that God sees each one of us?
One of the most popular Bible verses define love, and these are the very first words: “Love is patient and is kind.” (1 Corinthians 13:4, WEBBE)
It must follow therefore that in order to love, we must also learn how to be kind.
I think many people would agree. And many proclaim how badly this world needs kindness. But I guess the important question here is, “Do we even know what it means to be kind?”
Because we may not agree anymore about kindness when we start to differ in our opinion about what it means.
Is kindness mere tolerance?
Is kindness a way of being polite? Is kindness keeping your silence in order not to offend another?
C.S. Lewis had this very interesting quote:
“The real trouble is that 'kindness' is a quality fatally easy to attribute to ourselves on quite inadequate grounds. Everyone feels benevolent if nothing happens to be annoying him at the moment. Thus a man easily comes to console himself for all his other vices by a conviction that 'his heart's in the right place' and 'he wouldn't hurt a fly,' though in fact he has never made the slightest sacrifice for a fellow creature. We think we are kind when we are only happy: it is not so easy, on the same grounds, to imagine oneself temperate, chaste, or humble.”
Lewis described how some of us may view kindness. For some of us, we can be kind as long as we are not being bothered. We can be kind as long as we don’t need to inconvenience ourselves or sacrifice something for the other person.
I guess that would not be a good definition of kindness. If love is kind and kindness is a part of love, then we must be willing to love and to be kind even when we need to sacrifice something for the people that we love.
Still, we need to further clarify something. Because even if we can make sacrifices and consider being kind to others, we may not do it the right way.
What about in those situations when we want so much to be kind and not to offend anyone that we start to merely give in every time even when we are no longer doing what is best for the other person?
Is kindness simply providing what the other person wants?
Is kindness merely being concerned about immediately taking away the other person’s suffering?
Again, C.S. Lewis had another interesting quote:
“Kindness consents very readily to the removal of its object – we have all met people whose kindness to animals is constantly leading them to kill animals lest they should suffer. Kindness, merely as such, cares not whether its object becomes good or bad, provided only that it escapes suffering.”
As we can see, kindness involves taking into consideration the good of the other person. True kindness is helping our loved ones live a good life and become the best version of themselves, even if it means they must suffer for a while.
Pleasing people is not the same as loving people.
In some cases, we may simply be allowing some inner selfishness to creep in. In a way, we don’t want to disappoint people. We want their admiration and we fear their rejection.
It is not that we must justify being harsh. Some people may just as easily use this excuse to justify their unkindness in the name of being right.
No, we also must avoid doing that. For how could even do what’s best for our loved ones if they fail to see kindness in our eyes and kindness in the words we speak.
We can be firm and kind at the same time.
It is not easy. But we must ask God to help us.
In the worst of situations, let us remember that we can still be human, we can still look at other people with a merciful heart.
“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.” – Mother Teresa
Does the World Even Know What It Means to Be Kind?